Archive: February, 2007

Disclaimer

American Idol contestant Antonella Barba has beat out Britney Spears (and the 5 o’clock shadow on her head) as the most searched for star on the Internet, according to AOL News. Semi-nude pictures of Barba have surfaced all over the Internet this past week, including photos of her engaging in sexual acts with her supposed boyfriend. Despite her lack of talent, Barba managed to squeeze by this week on American Idol and is still in the running. Perhaps the pictures of her nipples and camel toe have something to do with it. Isn’t that what we all want in an American Idol? Executive Producer Nigel Lythgoe had this to say about the situation:

We have really good background checks on everybody, and we deal with that every season

We bet he’s background-checking those pics right now. And as for our glorious nation, lets take a step back and look at our representatives: our President is an imbecile, Miss USA can’t keep away from the sauce, now our next American Idol hopeful is an up and coming porn star. All I have to say is: Bravo America, bravo.

Actual info from: here

“Bastard child or fan?”

Clay Moore is probably the worst person to kidnap. Bound to a tree in the middle of the woods and left by his captor, Moore escaped by using a safety pin, his teeth, and hands. After escaping, he found a local hick farmer and called his mother. The suspected kidnapper, Vicente Ignacio Beltran Moreno, has a warrant out for his arrest on kidnapping and bad knot tying skills. Clay Moore was kidnapped last Friday and after escaping, finding the ransom note, and the suspected truck witnesses reported, sleuth County Sheriff Charlie Wells had this to say:

This was an absolute kidnapping for ransom. The person wanted money in exchange for Clay Moore.

Looks like someone has a future in private investigation.

Actual info from: this place

“Where did it all go wrong?”

A Virgin train in the U.K. derailed last night killing one and injuring several others. The 120 passenger Train bound for Glasgow suddenly decided to make a bad turn. Investigators are trying to figure out why the Train made the askew choice. Richard Branson, owner of Virgin and the Train, had this to say:

If it had been any of the old trains the injuries and fatalities would have been horrendous.

Reports show the Train had a good steamer on its shoulders. It had respectable role models like the Orient Express and the early Thomas the Tank Engine. This news comes as Thomas was recently released from rehab due to an addiction to diesel fuels. The train that was once known as the “little engine that could” was dubbed by the media as the “little engine that would.”

Actual information from: CBS

Disclaimer

“Why won’t Coach put me in the game?”

With a crushing defeat after crushing defeat, the Taliban promised this season is going to be its best. Senior commander and general manager Mullah Dadullah had this to say:

This year will prove to be the bloodiest for the foreign troops. It is not just a threat, we will prove it. The Taliban’s war preparations are going on in caves and in mountains. Our 6,000 fighters are ready for attacks on foreign troops after the change in weather and as it becomes warmer.

With Spring training just under way, the Taliban have hopes for a bloody good season. However, we can’t forget last year when the US lead the charge in killing the Taliban’s top militants. The Taliban had lost most of their starting line up than any other terrorist regime in the world. Senior sports analysts were quick to counter:

I don’t know how they plan on having a good season, they don’t even have a first round draft pick. They better pray to God… um Allah for a good season.

This news comes as the British prepare to let loose their bench and release a thousand more solders in the Afghanistan killing playing field. Although the Taliban do have home advantage, we can only expect another dismal performance.

Actual information from: some place in Canada

Disclaimer

A California Womyn’s Group had to put its production of children’s classic Mary Poppins on hold yesterday when the actress playing the title role went berserk, assaulting paparazzi who were trying to get an early scoop on the much heralded project. Tabitha Earthwind said:

These damn paparazzi just don’t understand the significance of what we’re trying to do here. For them to interfere with the delicate foxhunt scene was simply inexcusable.

The film was set to be the breakout performance for underground superstar Bitch Van Dyke, who was to play the “butch” supporting role of Bert the chimney sweep.

One photographer fled the scene to receive treatment for shock at a Los Angeles area hospital and had this to say:

It was horrifying, just horrifying. I mean for God’s sake, she could have put somebody’s eye out with that thing…and the hatred in her eyes… I mean…and I’ve been to Rwanda…oh GOD!!!

No charges have been filed as of this time.

Disclaimer

“You can’t run for President in a brown suit.”

The former governor of Iowa has dropped his Presidential bid. Tom Vilsack tucked back his sack and called it quits this Friday morning. The former governor served Iowa in 1998 and 2002. As this story broke, Overadulthood thought about the multiple questions it could ask in regards to Tom Vilsack but it settled on this one:

Who?

More on this story never.

Actual information from: Local News Watch