March 28th, 2007
Personally, I’ve always enjoyed NOT having a schlong that looks like a pig in a blanket. Now it appears that getting your tip snipped Jew-style might prevent one from getting AIDS:
U.N. health agencies recommended Wednesday that heterosexual men undergo circumcision because of “compelling” evidence that it can reduce their chances of contracting HIV by up to 60 percent. But World Health Organization and UNAIDS experts said men must be aware that circumcision is only partial protection against the virus and must be used with other measures. “We must be clear,” said Catherine Hankins, of UNAIDS. “Male circumcision does not provide complete protection against HIV.”
I’m a little bit torn on this. On one hand, AIDS is a horrid disease that kills millions of brown people in the third world who can’t afford food, water, or condoms. On the other hand, I don’t really know them personally. I do know that smegma is probably the single greatest term in the english language, and the more popular circumcisions become the less common smegma becomes. For me, the loss of smegma’s relevance would probably be as emotionally draining as losing that quirky relative who gets a little too sauced up at funerals but is mostly lovable. You look forward to seeing him each year even though you can’t remember his name. Yeah, that’s smegma and I.
read before you do any tip snipping
March 28th, 2007
It’s good to know that when the world…how should I put this? “Hates the shit out of you”- you always have your reliable friends like good ole Saudi Arabia to lean on. Right? Ehhh…
Saudi King Abdullah, whose country is a close US ally, on Wednesday slammed the “illegitimate foreign occupation” of Iraq in an opening speech to the annual Arab summit in Riyadh. “In beloved Iraq, blood is being shed among brothers in the shadow of an illegitimate foreign occupation, and ugly sectarianism threatens civil war,” Abdullah said. He also said that Arab nations, which are planning to revive a five-year-old Middle East peace plan at the summit, would not allow any foreign force to decide the future of the region.
If you can’t trust your friends, just who can you trust? And to think(!) we let it slide when 15 Saudis decided to “get their planecrash on” a few years back. In any event, OA has obtained a confidential text message sent between GWB and Saudi King Abdullah. Said Bush:
Yo wutup son? I thought you was my nigga? Who you fuckin wit? You fuckin wit Michael Moore? You fuckin wit Iran? Trick ass trick!
Courses of action include an embargo, taking our business elsewhere, or a diplomatic pimp slap. So far my calls to send Hulk Hogan to personally deliver this pimp slap (since has a predilection for pimp slapping sheiks all around the ring) have fallen on deaf ears. This is enough to make me want to buy a hybrid car. Well, not really, but maybe I’ll beat a Hippie out of spite for their correctness concering the matter. It’s better than eating humble pie, since pie usually gives me gas.
The real awesomeness: Here
March 28th, 2007
“Get that money Potter!”
With a jewel encrusted “S” on the back cover and pile of gold on the front, the mystery remains as to what goes down in Harry Potter’s final adventure. The book cover has been released but the book is set to be released on July 21st. Just to get you fans a little more wet, as it reads on the back cover of the adult version:
Harry has been burdened with a dark, dangerous and seemingly impossible task. He must leave the warmth, safety and companionship of The Burrow and follow without fear the inexorable path laid out for him.
JK Rowling’s previous six novels involving the gifted magician has sold over 325 million copies. I’m lucky to get 325 hits.
JK got: back
March 28th, 2007
“This man will touch two of these people, the other two are too…. tall.”
Wynonna Judd is in the news and no the Hot Dog Eating Contest season hasn’t begun yet. Judd has filed for divorce against her husband, Dan R. Roach. It isn’t a surprise considering, Mr. Roach was recently slapped with sex charges involving a minor younger than 13. Wynonna Judd blubbered:
Our family will pull together, begin the healing process and hopefully — by the Grace of God — become stronger. We will move forward with our faith, family and our friends to find resolution to this difficult situation.
Your husband touches kids, there is nothing to resolve. The couple has been separated since Feb 18th. It just proves my theory that you should never marry someone with an insect last name. Whether its Dan Roach, Phil Cricket, or John Bee. The only exception is if he is a rich Wasp and you don’t mind rigid sex.
I’m a certified: jerk
March 28th, 2007
“I call this little hot number the swasi. It’s sweeping clubs all over Iran.”
All hell broke loose when Iran decided not to pick up Britain’s kids (sailors) and return them back to the UK. Even though Britain’s kids might have been in Iran’s water, Britain has decided to stop talking to Iran. Iran feels he should discipline kids since they are trying to have a working relationship. Tony Blair, Prime Minister and spokesman for Britain, had this to say:
We had hoped to see their immediate release; this has not happened. It is now time to ratchet up the diplomatic and international pressure in order to make sure the Iranian government understands its total isolation on this issue.
Total isolation? Iran could down to the red light district and hang at the titty bar with N. Korea and al-Qaeda. Pictured below is a hot protester…
Making international politics seem like: young and the restless
March 27th, 2007
“See no evil, hear no evil.”
A Florida school for the deaf and blind has had convicted felons with failed background checks working on campus grounds for two years. According to the St. Augustine Record:
The felons included a man convicted of domestic battery and selling cocaine; a man convicted of aggravated assault; and a man convicted of offenses including trafficking in hallucinogens, battery on his spouse and domestic violence.
The good news is that they never were convicted of beating children. School president Elmer Dillingham said:
I don’t think, if you go to any public school in this state, that you’ll find a better security system.
It does pay homage to the old saying: if you can’t beat’em, hire’em for cheap labor even though they beat their wives.
Feel: this
March 27th, 2007
“One more round…”
Scientists who have failed at pretty much everything else, have decided to destroy the good name of Pizza. In a recent study, University of Maryland chemists were able to raise the antioxidant level in Pizza by using a wheat based dough with longer cooking times. Researcher and overall jerk, Jeffrey Moore had this to say:
The reason that we chose pizza is just because it is a very popular food product, not only in the U.S. but worldwide.
So destroying an American favorite isn’t enough for Moore, he decided to go after Pizza’s worldwide fame. He continued his ass ways by saying:
If you’re adding back all these other things that have potential negative health consequences, then you’re negating anything that you’re adding in terms of (health) value.
Pizza had this to say about the battle between itself and the scientific community:
During this fight, I’ve seen a lot of changing, in the way you feel about me, and in the way I feel about you. In here, there were two guys killing each other, but I guess that’s better than twenty million. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!
Actual info from: here
