April 26th, 2007
Boy, THAT Sucked!
Well, okay, maybe I’m misquoting it:
Sen. John McCain, who officially announced his bid for the 2008 White House Wednesday, stopped by “Good Morning America” to talk about his campaign and ended up defending himself about a joke.
The Arizona Republican said that people upset by his comments about IEDs to Jon Stewart on Tuesday night’s “Daily Show” should “lighten up.” After being grilled by Stewart , McCain jokingly told him that he had a present for him — an IED that he could place under his desk. Rep. John Murtha, D-Pa., was furious and publicly assailed McCain on the House floor. “Imagine a presidential candidate making a joke about IEDs when our kids are getting blown up,” he said. Responding to Murtha’s reaction, McCain said that he was going to use comedy during his campaign, just as he did during his military duty. “I don’t know how to react to that kind of hysteria to a comedy show,” he told Diane Sawyer on “GMA.” “All I’m going to say to Murtha and others. … Lighten up and get a life.”
They wouldn’t let me go to the war because I told ‘em about my love of man meat. Interpret as you like. That said, I’m pretty certain that you’re allowed to make any jokes you want when Charlie broke your shoulders and made you lie in your own poop for, oh, five and a half years. Murtha kept his mouth shut when John Kerry said our troops were “going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of the night, terrorizing kids and children, you know women” or when Dick Durbin from Illinois compared Guantanamo interrogators to “Nazis…Pol Pot.” McCain’s frankness just won him my vote for El Presidente, provided Dennis Kucinich doesn’t run:
I’m voting for McCain because his frank style and resolve is essential to beating the terrorists. He told Murtha to sit on it and spin and it was rad. I’d vote for Kucinich because I’m fairly certain that his elven magik could make them all go away. If only somebody loved him.
McMan
April 26th, 2007
“I’ve started a new hobby. Puppet mastering…”
Vladimir Putin has announced that he will not be running for President in 2008. The gorgeous gorgeous leader who has faced nothing but criticism about the upcoming election has decided to step down as a candidate, but not before giving in his two rubles. As he proclaimed:
Some want to return to the past to rob the people and the state, to plunder the natural resources and deprive our country of its political and economic independence. The financial flow from abroad is expanding to intervene in our internal affairs.
You hear that America! Russia is on to us. Apparently we got a problem with Putin and he knows, and you know what happens when you have a problem with Vladimir. Big things. Anyway, as the President plans to stay in the background, a new Russian leader will take over the Kremlin.
Get the rest of the interview: here.
April 26th, 2007
“Cmon buddy, this campus where we teach “men were created equal” ain’t gonna build itself.”
On the birthday of their founder, Thomas Jefferson, the University of Virginia apologised for the use of slaves to build their beautiful campus. As the board members released in a resolution, it said:
The board expresses its particular regret for the employment of enslaved persons in these years, the notion of involuntary servitude is repugnant and incompatible with the ideals upon which this university was founded.
Perhaps finding out the history of every building so we can apologise accordingly would be the next step. Afterwards, we could apologise to the Chinese who built that railroad we don’t even use these days. Thomas F. Farrell II, the university Recter, had this to say:
It is very important to us … not just to look back but recognize the commitment of the administration that all types of people are treated fairly for now and in the future
Well it’s a good thing those slaves are around to hear that apology.
I slaved over this post, where is my: apology?
April 26th, 2007
“You know Raj, none of this would have happened if they were both Indian.”
“I agree Sanjay, but I would love to play with Richard’s Geres. If you catch my flow.”
India just might be reaching a whole new level of absurdity as a court ordered that Richard Gere should be jailed for his public display of affection with Indian actress Shilpa Shetty. A lawyer from the town of Jaipur filed a complaint in court. The lawyer, Poonam Chand Bhandari, had this to say:
The judge watched a video recording of Gere kissing Shetty and found him guilty of violating Indian laws against public obscenity.
But people urinating on the street and taking dumps out in the open isn’t obscene, just another day Mumbai.
April 25th, 2007
“A battle that might be bigger than…. Justin and Britney?”
Rap Mogul Russell Simmons has made a call to the rap community to stop using “extreme curse words.” Simmons called for the words “ho”, “bitch” and “nigger” to be stopped being used by rap artists. In a statement explaining his views, he said:
The words ‘bitch’ and ‘ho’ are utterly derogatory and disrespectful of the painful, hurtful, misogyny that, in particular, African American women have experienced in the United States. The word ‘nigger’ is a racially derogatory term that disrespects the pain, suffering, history of racial oppression and multiple forms of racism against African Americans and other people of color.
“Ho” and “bitch” are understandable, but how many rap artists actually use the word “nigger?” The word “nigga” is used quite often but Simmons didn’t make a request for that word to be stopped because it has been flipped into a positive meaning. We interviewed a local streetside rapper, Dented Soap, about his views on Simmons’ demands. He spoke his response in a rhyme:
Makin rules just cuz ya rich?
Thats how you get called a bitch.
You started down and in the streets like me, bro.
How you gonna end up an industry ho?
And look at the N-word
It’s always been reword
Rappers picked up the “a” when they dropped the “e.r”
When I pick up the AK, you’ll be dropped in E.R.
Strong words from a strong rapper. Russell has responded to his critics thus far. As to how he will respond, more on this later.
I don’t think Russell reads: this.
April 25th, 2007
“In a place she knows all too well…”
Mabel Toevs, 95, was recently declared dead by the government. Upon discovering her departure, her health insurance was promptly cut off. The weird thing is that Mabel is still alive. As she read from her notice:
Medicare has notified us about the death of Mabel Toevs. Please accept our condolences.
As she has red tape to go through, the story doesn’t stop there. As reported by CNN, Mabel Toevs still does her son’s laundry. Her son, William Toevs, looking at least in his 60s had the tenacity to appear on television complaining about how they took away her benefits. Looking further into this, we called William and asked, “what kind of grown old ass man still has his momma doing his laundry?” After being hung up on, maybe the government was trying to send her a message. The message being:
Maybe it’s time you started pushing up daisies than pushing your son’s clothes in the washing machine.
William gives mama’s boy a whole new meaning.
At least I fold my own: clothes.
