Archive: April, 2007

“Look at me fly this plane… I love wing.”

In an attempt to really chap Richard Branson’s ass, British Airways came up with the brilliant idea of editing Branson out of the movie Casino Royale. The movie features a scene with Branson as an airport security guard. A Virgin Atlantic plane was also edited. A spokesman for British Atlantic said it:

previews films before they are screened on our aircraft and regularly edits films

They apparently felt it would have been offensive to have Branson’s mug and airline on their flights. Virgin Atlantic responded with:

We think that passengers should see all the film, and nothing but the whole film.

As if they weren’t aiming for the “truth and nothing but the whole truth.” Virgin Atlantic’s “we’re not like those guys” attitude is pretty sickening. They might as well have said:

You have the right to remain seated, any film seen can and will be viewed in the raw.

There are truly never enough barf bags.

I’d rather take a: boat.

An OverAdulthood.com production…

“I wish I could smother the children in my love” – E. Coli

E. Coli was in town this week to help children celebrate after a Little league softball game. E was in the burger snack shack dishing out burgers to kids. Strangely, the kids became violently ill and were sent to the hospital. E. Coli was saddened by this even but continued on with his tour in the following states: California, Arizona, Idaho, Oregon and Washington. The meat which is sold by Merced-based Richwood Meat Co. Inc has announced that people check their freezers for the following brands:

– Fireriver
– Chef’s Pride
– Ritz Food, Blackwood Farms
– California Pacific Associates
– C&C Distributing
– Golbon
– Richwood

E. Coli will then retire back to his hometown of a Cow’s Stomach Lining. He did have this to say:

I was shocked to hear that these children were sick. The only person who handled the meat was me and I’m always careful with it.

E. Coli wishes the family’s well and hopes to return to them next baseball season.

Salmonella is more my: fella.

Disclaimer

“Does anyone who ever wins the lotto try to keep a smooth ticket?”

In some town other than Raleigh, North Carolina, a clerk rang up an extra lottery ticket by mistake. After the first one was sold, she paid for the second one and left for the day. When Wadburn Allen (yes, that is her name) came in the next day, she found out her her ticket matched the winning numbers. Her and the other customer both won $200,000. Pam Walker, a spokeswoman for the North Carolina Education Lottery, had this to say:

They put two and two together and ended up hugging. That would have been the perfect time to kill them both. One bullet to kill them all.

So maybe the last part was a little embellished, but quotes are about reading between the lines.

Did I just use a Lord of Rings reference for extreme: violence?

“But officer, she fell down the stairs…”

Alec Baldwin left a “strong” voicemail on his daughter, Ireland’s voicemail. The “30 Rock” actor had no qualms of telling his eleven year old daughter what is coming to her. As he said on her voicemail:

I don’t give a damn that you’re 12-years-old or 11-years-old, or a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn’t care about what you do.

After hearing the voicemail, a judge barred Alec from seeing his daughter. But Alec has to see her because as he said:

This crap you pull on me with this goddamn phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother, and you do it to me constantly over and over again. You better be ready Friday the 20th to meet with me.

Today being the 20th, Baldwin better give his daughter what is coming to her. As to what child and mother would release that voicemail only shows how bad this situation has gotten. Family problems should remain in the family, and not something we have to use to bring people to this site because no one reads the damn news, even though we make it funny.

When parent/child relations gets aired out, it is a terrible thing. Let this be an example that when you’re a celebrity, you can’t trust anyone, not even your kids. So the only words we should expect to hear from Ireland’s mouth is, “I’m sorry” or “Please daddy, you’re hurting me.” Afterwards, Alec apologized but remains upset because of the crap he has been put through. Listen to him tear his daughter a new one here.

Kudos to Dads who beat their kids from time to time, out of love, of: course.

In case you’re blind, it says: Excuse me Mr. Obama??  How big is your di… I mean budget??

Disclaimer

“A kilo is worth 79 cents…”

According to a new study, salt might just be bad for your heart. We already knew it was terrible for your cholesterol but new research shows that cutting your salt increase by 25% may directly reduce your chance of stroke or heart attack by 25%. However, the Salt Manufacturers Association is skeptical as they pointed out:

The trial only examines people with high blood pressure, and fails to provide useful health evidence for the vast majority of people.

Essentially what the Salty Folks are saying is that if you have high blood pressure and you reduce your salt, you can lead a normal healthy life. If you don’t have high blood pressure, eat all the damn salt you want. You’re not like those guys… yet. Worry about that stuff when you’re at a “high” risk for heart disease and stroke. Until then, pass the salt.

Salt Manufacturers made the ocean: salty.

In case you’re blind, it says: Hillary does anything for campaign funds!!

Disclaimer

“Well if she’s asking for it…”

Sexual Predator’s let out a groan of moist relief when NewsCorps’ Myspace and Facebook encouraged teens to increase their circle of friends by messaging other “teens.” However, teens everywhere have been doing the opposite by leaving out their last name and making their profiles private. Said Amanda Lenhart, a senior research specialist at Pew (a group that incorporates internet into American life or the sound you make when a sexual predator comes to your door):

Teens are manifesting the tension between wanting to keep themselves safe online and wanting to share themselves with their friends and potentially make new ones. Teens, particularly girls and younger teens, have gotten the message about protecting themselves on social networks, but the fun of these networks is the ability to share yourself with others on them.

What is objectivity if you can’t have the other side comment. Sexual Predator Charlie had this to say:

You know after I introduced myself to the neighborhood, I didn’t feel very welcome. I often stay at home online. With kids getting all private, it is ruining my weekend. What am I supposed to do with all this bulk moisturizer? It’s just sitting here in its moisturizing goodness, not being played with…. hmm.. children playing.

Yeah. With Dateline’s “To Catch a Predator” and the other law agencies cracking down on predators, people just might have to meet other people outside the internet.

I sent in an audition tape and they won’t put me on the: show.