May 31st, 2007
In a recent interview with Time Magazine, George Clooney let an early presidential endorsement drop like Dapper Dan from his thick, damp, skull. Said Clooney:
CLOONEY: I’m just hoping Gingrich gets in. Come on, Newt! Actually there’s a really good field out there. I like Barack Obama a lot. I’ve spent some time with him… I’ve actually had that conversation with him, just saying “Look, I’ll give you whatever support you need—including staying completely away from you.”
I think that would be quite a good idea. Obama is plastic and bland enough on his own, and getting by on Hallmark speeches that are only matched in their lack of substance by…the latest Oceans 11 sequel. He doesn’t need an equally plastic Clooney standing next to him. Clooney is a ratpack Ken Doll and Obama is something out of a blacksploitation version of the film Mannequin.
Someone drown Danny Ocean
May 31st, 2007
“Either or, still dealing with flirtatious felines.”
A recent study shows that female cheetahs whore it up by having litters with different males. While this does prevent incest bred cheetahs, which can only be imagined as having five legs and maybe two tails, it does increase the chance of diseases and parasites. Dada Gottelli, Zoological Society (of) London’s lead scientist had this to say:
Mating with more than one male poses a serious threat to females, increasing the risk of exposure to parasites and diseases. Females also have to travel over large distances to find new males, making them more vulnerable to predation, so infidelity is a heavy burden.
Maybe if the female cheetah was faithful and didn’t sleep around like a big slore when the male cheetah was going through a tough time but the male cheetah thought everything was ok when it was watching that crappy Ahhhrnold movie, Terminator 3, with another male cheetah only later to find out that everything was not okay.
Jus sayin.
May 31st, 2007
“Home made hail in less than 5 minutes!!”
A hailstorm with chunks the size of grapes rain down in Denver, Colorado. People scattered under bridges and store canopies. A select few decided to brave the storm with bats and guns. They have yet to have been located. Brazil Redd, 21, had this to say:
It hurt. I probably got bruises. It was huge. I got soaked.
Poor diction aside, nobody was injured, including the witness.
I hope this: hurts.
May 31st, 2007
“Hello sir, would you be interested in joining Satanism?”
John Feit is a Priest and quite a terrible one at that. The amount of evidence against Feit in a 1960 slaying is in volumes but due to a poor prosecution, this horrible holy man is going to spend the rest of his life free. Feit was accused of the brutal rape and murder of Irene Garza in 1960 in Texas. Garza, a devout Catholic, was the first college graduate in her family. She had went to confession to which Feit was the priest that received her. She was never found after that day before Easter. The District Attorney Rene Guerra had this to say in regards to Feit:
If I make him a target, he’s got the right to tell me go to hell.
Apparently a murderer who has the audacity to wear the priest’s garb has the ability to send people to hell. It isn’t no surprise Garza’s first cousin, Lynda de la Vina had this to say:
I still believe fundamentally it’s because it’s a church issue.
And the church thought evolution was its greatest enemy. It may just be the priests raping and killing everybody.
Confess: this.
May 30th, 2007
“Imagine rolling over to this sexi-ness!”
Dr. Jack Kevorkian is finally being released from jail. The “Dr. Death” had spent eight years in jail for assisted suicides. That’s right ladies, he is a doctor. He served eight years in particular for helping a Michigan man kill himself. The good doctor now plans to help legalize assisted suicide. Although some supporters of assisted suicide are even critical of Kevorkian because of his methods. Jack would often leave bodies in an emergency room or motel where he met his patient. He still plans to help legalize assisted suicide. Said Kevor the Killa:
It’s got to be legalized. I’ll work to have it legalized. But I won’t break any laws doing it.
Usually when people get out of jail, they are a little more hard. Looks like somebody went soft.
I guess payment is done: beforehand.
