“The explosion is drawn to scale. It was like a popping sound.”
Brasilia, Brazil – A Brazilian reporter was shot for a series of continuing articles exposing the drug gangs. Amaury Ribeiro Jr., 44 was chillin at the bar when a young man shot him in the groin. As for the condition of his package, that has yet to be determined. After the incident, the paper which Ribeiro works for, Correio Brasiliense, splashed this headline:
Traffickers are trying to silence the Correio with bullets. They won’t succeed.
I don’t know. If you keep on nailing reporters in the junk with guns, that might prompt a career change. I know that I suffer groin pains whenever my mom asks me why I’m in the bathroom for so long, but that has nothing to do with reporting. It just means I should take my business elsewhere, like the garage. The editor in chief, Ana Dubeaux, had this to say:
There is no doubt [the attack] was because of Amaury’s stories.
And there is no doubt that the only action this guy will be getting will be from fingering a medicine bottle trying to get the vicodins out.
Government is full of creepy perverts. Remember that dude who killed himself after he got caught on Dateline NBC(episode never aired). He just got one-upped:
J.D. Roy Atchison, the federal prosecutor accused of traveling from Gulf Breeze to Michigan with the intent of having sex with a 5-year-old girl, will remain jailed in Detroit.Atchison, 53, was arrested Sunday after getting off an airplane in Detroit.
Since Aug. 29, he’d been having almost daily online chats with an undercover officer posing as a mother interested in offering her fictitious 5-year-old daughter for sex, law officers said.
Atchison arrived at the airport Sunday with a Dora the Explorer doll, hoop earrings and petroleum jelly.
If you’re as creepy as me, the first thing you did was try and find this guy’s Myspace…no? You’re Welcome.
BAGHDAD, Iraq – Here on the battlefield, “Ka-boom!” has become the new “Cheese!”
Whether you’re prone to smile, frown or grin like a fool for the camera, the worst way to now pose for a photograph is with President Bush.
Sheik Abdul Sattar Abu Reesha, a Sunni leader and key ally of coalition forces, was assassinated Thursday for what many claim is a meeting he took with Bush earlier this month in Anbar during the president’s surprise, albeit deadly, visit.
Seen here in his last Kodak moment, Abu Reesha fought to bring peace to the region and according to those who knew him, was well-aware that assisting coalition forces spelt ‘death.’ Bush, on the other hand, was well-aware that it spelled ‘photo-op.’
According to Sunni lore, shaking hands with the Grim Reaper is a surefire way to have your name — in this case all nine syllables – find its way onto al-Qaeda’s roadside bomb map.
The White House expressed outraged over the assassination, though according to one administration official who spoke on condition of anonymity out of fear of having his picture taken with the president, revealed that, technically speaking, this can go on the president’s military record as an assisted-battlefield kill. Too bad he scored one for the enemy.
Orem, Utah – A 70 year old woman was arrested and charged for not taking care of her lawn. Betty Perry is charged for resisting arrest and having a brown lawn. Along with being arrested, Perry injured her nose. Perry’s lawyer, Gloria Allred, is the same woman handling the case against Britney Spears’ child custody case. She had this to say:
I ask the citizens of Orem: How many of you would like to have your great-grandmother taken from her home with bruises and blood and placed in handcuffs…. Let’s bring sanity back to law enforcement.
Although some raised their hands, the majority of people felt grandma should be set free on the reasoning that she is old and her drapes shouldn’t have to match the carpet… or her lawn be watered, whatever that means.
Gainsville, FLORIDA — With so many stories of war, famine and who it was last night that Paris Hilton sucked face with at club LAX in L.A. grabbing the morning headlines, the world has something to feel good about again thanks to one Florida university student and one itchy taser-trigger finger.
During an on-campus discussion, Andrew Meyer, pictured here about to meet 50,000 volts of a shut-up and sit down from campus police for repeatedly asking Senator John Kerry a question, brought credibility back to that which is the American collegiate by taking a stand. Some 40 millionths of a second later he took a flop.
Meyer’s fellow students were so outraged that they staged a formal sit-in; that long-forgotten form of protest used to promote change where one or more persons occupy an area until forcefully evicted; but after everyone’s laptop batteries began running out of power, the group became really bored and reconvened at Gator’s Grog for a happy-hour vigil.
To the 1.6 million students currently enjoying two-for-one drink specials on campuses across the country, Meyer has become a hero of sorts. Though university officials are quick to point out that Meyer does have a history of staging practical jokes, being known as the ‘Taser Shot Seen Around The World’ could stand to be his biggest to date.
Your Life – Everyone says you should take vitamins everyday to ensure a long and healthy life. Studies now show that some vitamins are actually detrimental to your health. Consumer Labs did a study showing what vitamins are good and bad for you. Of course in order to see the study, you have to pay a small fee and sign up. So instead, OverAdulthood has provided you with a list of the top 20 antioxidant induced foods and a vitamin chart that shows you what you need and don’t need in your daily supplement. OverAdulthood wants all 4 of our fans to live a long and healthy life. And since we couldn’t find a doctor to interview, we spoke to a local street pharmacist:
Nah nah, ya see all my shit is naaaturrralll. No impurities, ya dig?
With a pitch like that, I was sold. Follow directions as: Take two hits before a meal. Side effects include intense laughter and occasional feelings of cotton being in your mouth (combat with water).
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