It doesn’t matter when hipsters came into existence, they have become irritating to no end at this point. After traveling to Brooklyn a countless number of times, anyone will be able to see how these ass clowns go about their day. The word hipster means “a person, esp. during the 1950s, characterized by a particularly strong sense of alienation from most established social activities and relationships” or someone “who is hip”. Of course that is hypocritical when they are everywhere and more so, not hip at all. So here is a homage to hipsters…8 reasons why they suck.
8. Male Hipsters aren’t men.

While most of us took the necessary steps to avoid appearing “metrosexual” over the last few years,  male hipsters took a step in the opposite direction. In addition to plucked brows and excessive skin care products, a male hipster wears clothes tighter than your average 15 yr old girl desperate for attention. The result is a strange lanky excuse for a man whose jeans reveal everything, if anything was left worth seeing. Just because the adjective “skinny” replaced “tight” before the word jeans doesn’t mean we’re fooled. On top of the bad taste in clothing, they also have the idea that putting “man” or “guy” before feminine products will somehow make the use of these products less feminine. Products like “guy liner” or other “man-metics” don’t add masculinity to these raging pansies. If someone you know is becoming a male hipster, perhaps you should drop this helpful equation on them. Whether in the form of an email or post-it, this rule always applies:

“Man” + douche = Doesn’t make man-douche acceptable.

We know they look like bitches, it’s just a matter of time before they realize it too.

7. Female Hipsters aren’t women.

Short hair can be sexy when put on the right head, but when the face that accompanies it begs the question “12 year old boy or 22 yr old girl ?” the only people left hard are priests. These she-males give actual she-males a bad look. A woman isn’t defined by the size of her assets but by how she carries them. These flimsy walking double backed girls are everything short of sexy. Having sex with one of them would be like screwing a parking meter. And if spending money on a female hipster is going to get me that kind of sex, I’d rather park my car elsewhere.

6. Hipsters ruined Art.

Art was always made for the common man. It was something anyone anywhere could appreciate despite background and/or class. Hipsters have made Art something only the “truly educated” could understand. Truly educated defined as “those with fancy liberal arts educational backgrounds.” So these days the joy and happiness that Art brings is only reserved for those with an education. As if those without this precious education aren’t entitled to deeper thought and understanding. Nobody should have to walk into a museum and be ridiculed by these assholes. If anything, we should point at these morons and laugh at the fact they had to pay $40,000 a year to understand that Art is something that makes you feel something deep inside yourself. Please, leave your shoe in a hipster’s ass if s/he gets some sense of entitlement.

5. Hipsters ruined Brooklyn, NY.

In a place that Foxy Brown once called the “thoroughest borough,” Hipsters managed to remove anything of color out of Brooklyn. The BK was once a place where hip hop thrived. The only thing that thrives now are late night coffee shops and hipster hangouts. Any families that subsisted on a low income are either being displaced like garbage or being turned into mail boxes. What will this result in? A lot of angry homeless people. Hipsters may play the role of the constantly accosted and different but by supporting gentrification, they are the ones bullying people around.

4. Most Hipsters pretend to be from NYC.

Being a hipster is easy: it requires looking like the opposite gender while spewing hypocrisy with every breath. Being a New Yorker on the other hand, isn’t. Out of state hipsters come into NYC with intentions of fitting in. If you want to tell someone an out of state hipster, simply ask them where they are from. Automatically they will respond with what borough they reside in as a declaration of having finally made it into NYC. Any real New Yorker will automatically respond with their town. The kind of phoniness hipsters offer should be rewarded with an ass-kicking of steel toe proportions.

3. Hipsters pretend to be poor.

Nothing is worse than having no money. Money gets you a lot of nice stuff. Hipsters always seem to have a lot of nice stuff but will always claim that they are “broke” or “strapped for cash.” Hipsters put on this act of being pseudo poor even though their parents are always willing to “help them out” should they need a little extra for rent or groceries. Being poor means you’re willing to take cans of food from someone, it isn’t not being able to buy that nice sweater from your favorite designer. The only designer poor people can afford are those with the tag “Sale” written on them. Poor people sometimes go hungry, hipsters will always have enough money to afford Chinese food from the corner by simply looking through their couches. This poor act isn’t moving anyone to tears. We don’t need to be fooled with this bullshit because it’s already an insult to the poor people hipsters already threw out by moving into apartments formerly rented by the poor. That “old style wood framing” wasn’t designed for hipsters to appreciate. It was there for the poor families who couldn’t afford to have the asbestos removed. Enjoy.

2. Hipsters are Lazy.

When it’s Sunday night, most people won’t be up late because they have work Monday morning, that or a website that needs updating for its 18 fans. Hipsters will be out till all sorts of hours in the night because sitting behind a desk taking calls for some gallery or office isn’t a real job.

1. Hipsters are hypocrites.

Hipsters are all about health. They will eat healthy as a two fold measure. One to protest against big business and two to piss off people about their plight. And when they engage in unhealthy activities, they claim to be at least healthy about it. Take smoking for example. The brand for Hipsters is American Spirit. The brand that claims to be “100% Chemical Free” contain more free-base nicotine than any other cigarette. Free base nicotine is basically a more potent but chemical free form of nicotine. You would have to be an idiot to fall for this type of douche-bag marketing. Just because the box comes in funky colors with a Native American doesn’t automatically make it any less dangerous. Most Hipsters wouldn’t even know that their precious American Spirits are owned by R.J. Reynolds (Big Tobacco). Suck down that bit of reality.

Hipsters. You make me sick.