“Uh-oh, Lassy! I think Timmy might have sampled your food.”

Last month as many as one in six animals were dropping dead due to a poisonous ingredient in animal food. The number one suspect appears to be Menu Foods, an Ontario based food company. The government has recalled almost 60 million cans and pouches of food. Dr. Ann Hohenhaus of New York’s Animal Medical Center had this to say:

I’m certain someone’s going to figure this out because there are a lot of pet foods involved, a lot of pets involved and a lot of veterinarians who are upset.

You damn right. Many animal owners have been calling up Menu Foods in regards to their dead cats or dogs. Instead of receiving answers, they were receiving a busy signal. The CEO for Menu Foods might have had this to say:

So Lassy got a little sick off our dog food. Maybe if your dog wasn’t a weak bitch, it might have survived. We’re doing God’s work.

Further comments weren’t received on account of the CEO driving away in his Hummer (which is probably fueled by animal blood). However, please feel free to send your animal’s carcass to:

Menu Foods
8 Falconer Drive
Streetsville, ON
Canada L5N 1B1

Actual info from that damn: well