Bruce Weyhrauch (possibly pronounced Wayne) , 54, might have put everyone’s favorite villain, Mr. Freeze, to shame. In an accident that also showed how lame the Polar Bear Club could be, Bruce slipped on his boat and hit his head causing him to fall into Alaskan waters. He was confirmed missing on Sunday evening. After regaining consciousness, he swam for an hour in 40 degree water. In the process he might have eaten a blue whale and saved a polar bear from melting ice caps, but none of that can be confirmed due to the fact that when he was found he could not speak or move. He was found Monday morning. A friend had this to say:

We’re real, real glad to have found him when we did.

Bruce was part of the House of Representatives from 2003-2006. When he was found, his former colleagues pounded their desks and cheered in the House. If you need to get in touch with Weyhrauch, just shine his symbol in the sky.

You know damn well what symbol I’m talkin: bout.