“So Bill, I was thinking.. Bill! Are you dreaming of moist cigars again!?”

Des Moines, Iowa - It has always been known that people lose their minds for Bill Clinton. It was especially evident when Bill hit Hillary’s campaign trail in Iowa the other day. Bill’s speech was shortened to a meager eight minutes due to the fact that his charisma would overshadow Hillary’s bland character. Billy Clinton dropped these words on us:

There’s one guy in the back there who represents the group I belong to. It says, ‘Husbands for Hillary. I’d be here tonight, if she asked me, if we weren’t married.

Bill can only wish.

After Bill’s speech, Hillary took the stage for thirty minutes. Most of her speech would be here if anyone were awake to record it:

That bridge to the 21st century that Bill had said he was going to build - it had taken shape. Now if a child asks you, ‘What are America’s goals?’ that’s a hard question to answer. I want to be a President who sets goals again.

All of which sounds like a lot of work. Wouldn’t it be easier if we had a President who just spent his/her time getting world leaders high? World peace and a 200% increase in exported munchies.

Bill would rather pass the: salt.