“You have a strong grip my friend, but you reek of the AIDS.”

Broadcom founder and uber billionaire Henry T. Nicholas is alleged to have his sights set on building a pornographic Bat Cave…OF DOOM!

Flush with wealth from Broadcom Corp.’s 1998 public stock offering, computer chip magnate Henry T. Nicholas III made a few additions to his equestrian estate in Laguna Hills: hidden doors and secret levers, an underground grotto, tunnels and a 2,000-square-foot sports bar he called “Nick’s Cafe.”

But there was more, according to a claim made in court documents: plans for a “secret and convenient lair” with hidden entries for Nicholas to indulge his “manic obsession with prostitutes” and “addiction to cocaine and Ecstasy.”

I’ve got one of those. I call it “my secret and convenient toolshed,” but it’s just about the same. That is, if you replace “prostitutes” with “portly octogenarians” and “cocaine and ecstasy” with “masturbation and Mountain Dew.”

To the Batcave!