“Nowadays, we leave our molesting online at home.”

Los Angeles, CA - Cardinal Roger Mahony apologized on Sunday for all the kid touching Roman Catholic Priests took part in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles. The $660 million settlement won’t fix that. Mahoney said:

There really is no way to go back and give them the innocence that was taken from them … The one thing I wish I could give the victims, I cannot — and that is a restoration to where they were originally.

Looks like Mahoney will be absolving his own peeps of their sins. One of the victims, Steve Sanchez, had this to say:

Whether you give me a check for $10 or $10,000, where can I take that check and cash it at some place to make me 10 years old again?

In LA, anything is possible. Sanchez, who is part of Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP), felt the payout should have come earlier. Go on Steve, no one will touch you here:

The cardinal’s dragged this on for a good five or six years now. Where we are at today or tomorrow with this settlement, could we have been here four, five or six years ago? Yes, we could have been if the cardinal had been outright and come forward and settled all these claims.

And then you would be driving a pre-owned BMW with the license plate, “FNGDBYP” (Fingered by Priests).

Morning: Uh-oh!