Topic: Democratic

“Looks like someone wants to shake more than hands.”

Seoul, South Korea - Unsure whether this would happen again, the international community shed a tear and let out a giant “aww” when they found out that North Korea and South Korea would be coming together again. More memorable than when Laura finally decided she loves Steve Urkel, the second summit between North and South holds great promise to someday bring the country together.

This line is a wall that has divided the nation for a half-century. Our people have suffered from too many hardships and development has been held up due to this wall. This line will be gradually erased and the wall will fall.

Relationships can be quite the storm at sea. Perhaps it will only be a few years till North and South are together again. Of course those years might be strangely equivalent to how long Kim Jong Il lives but at least strides are being made. There were some protests against the meeting, such as one man setting himself on fire to protest North’s human rights violations but that protest was smelly and lasted no longer than 10 minutes (or however long it takes for people to shut up while on fire.) Something tells me these kooky kids just might make it after all!

a-e-goo

“The P rhymes with something that ends with ‘ussy’”

United Nations - Russia has been messing around with Georgia (yes, the country) for a while now and the president finally decided to say something during the U.N meeting. Georgia’s president Mikhail Saakashvili questioned the appearance of Russian military:

One has to wonder — what was a vice colonel of the Russian military doing in the Georgian forests, organizing and leading a group of armed insurgents on a mission of terror?

Russia’s ambassador to the U.N., Vitaly Churkin barked back by saying those men were running an:

anti-terrorist training center [and were killed with knife and gun shot wounds]

Georgia also claimed the Russia had violated Georgian airspace. Russia rejected these claims. How do you reject claims? The same way you poison people in other countries. Russia does what it wants. In the end Saakashvilli bowed out by saying:

My government is committed to addressing this subject through diplomatic means, in partnership with the international community. … Look at how Georgia has responded to the many provocations we have faced in the past year.

That basically means, we don’t want you to kick our ass. Russia is practically Georgia’s big brother. Georgia is getting looked over and if there is someone who knows what it is like to get looked over, ask Kanye West. As he spits:

I guess big brother was thinking a little different
And kept little brother at bay, at a distance
But everything I felt was more bogus
Only made me more focused, only wrote more potent
Only thing I wanna know is why I get looked over
I guess ill understand when I get more older

You’re still young Georgia. Keep in your place, you’ll understand when your bank account grows up.

word

It better make me shit gold.

Colombo, Sri Lanka - Just when rich folks didn’t have any more reasons to throw away their money, a hotel in Sri Lanka just came up with a new one. The Fortress resort recently came up with a dessert called “The Fortress Stilt Fisherman Indulgence.” This $14,500 treat consists of:

….a gold leaf Italian cassata flavored with Irish cream, served with a mango and pomegranate compote and a champagne sabayon enlighten. It’s decorated with a chocolate carving of a fisherman clinging to a stilt — an age-old local fishing practice — and an 80-carat aquamarine stone.

The resort has received calls about it but no one has “forked” the money over. Ok that was a shitty pun but let me address the real important issue here. No one is going to go to Sri Lanka for dessert. Bollywood’s most favorite actor, Shahrukh Khan, won’t ever go back to Sri Lanka because someone tossed a live grenade during the show at which he was set to perform. I’ll leave it at that.

fork this!

NEW YORK, New York — According to careerbuilder , the number one way to get looked over for a promotion is to slack off.

True, there isn’t much for an American textile worker to do nowadays given that the tube socks they once knitted are now M.I.C., (that’s corporate for Made In China). But to the 230,000 who are still lucky enough to punch the proverbial clock, the lack of furtherance up the corporate ladder, they feel, rests upon the shoulders of employers themselves.

Here is Overadulthood’s Top 7 Promotion Killers. Why seven? Because ten would have been too much work.

See if any of the following are holding back your career: Continue »

London, England - Last August, a couple taking pictures while vacationing in Morocco seemed to have stumbled upon a peculiar picture. The picture (above) seems to show a little girl similar to Madelein McCann, who has been missing since May. Clarence Mitchell, spokesman for the family had this to say:

It appears to look very like Madeleine on first glance.

If you were speeding by me and took a photo, I would look like Madeleine, but with chiseled features. What they should be examining is the woman supposedly carrying Madeleine. She looks way too jacked to be a woman. I’m thinking the captives are taking their hiding to a whole new level. The photo has forwarded to Interpol for further study.

UPDATE!!: It turns out it wasn’t Madeleine but rather Bushra Binhisa, the evil twin of Madeleine or a daughter of an olive farmer.  Either way, the search continues!!!

link it!

OverAdulthood’s Previous Stories on the McCann Case:
Mrs. McCann to be Charged
Ironic Criminals

Coming soon to a CNN newscast near you, “Dicks in a Room!”

United Nations - As the first UN climate summit goes underway, leaders and activists all across the board are showing concern for the environment and the United States’ refusal to agree to the Kyoto pact. Bush and his crew have been keeping quiet during this summit as they prepare their own meeting in Washington to discuss the environment. Some feel the Washington meeting is full of shit. As Hans Verolme, climate campaigner for the Worldwide Fund for Nature put it:

The Washington meeting is a distraction. [U.S. leaders] need to show they are serious and implement domestic legislation to reduce emissions.

What is really distracting is the constant call for “action.” As Governor of California Auh-nold put it:

[What’s needed is] action, action, action.

I somehow think the only action that will be getting off during this summit are these leaders getting handjobs from young 20 year old men in Marriott hotel parking lots. Limo drivers should get used to hearing this:

Park the car in that dark corner, go for a walk, and leave the doors unlocked.

I guess it beats shopping bags and airport bathrooms. It all depends on whether the limos come equipped with guilt removing Kleenex and shame abstaining cocktails.

smack that!

“The explosion is drawn to scale. It was like a popping sound.”

Brasilia, Brazil - A Brazilian reporter was shot for a series of continuing articles exposing the drug gangs. Amaury Ribeiro Jr., 44 was chillin at the bar when a young man shot him in the groin. As for the condition of his package, that has yet to be determined. After the incident, the paper which Ribeiro works for, Correio Brasiliense, splashed this headline:

Traffickers are trying to silence the Correio with bullets. They won’t succeed.

I don’t know. If you keep on nailing reporters in the junk with guns, that might prompt a career change. I know that I suffer groin pains whenever my mom asks me why I’m in the bathroom for so long, but that has nothing to do with reporting. It just means I should take my business elsewhere, like the garage. The editor in chief, Ana Dubeaux, had this to say:

There is no doubt [the attack] was because of Amaury’s stories.

And there is no doubt that the only action this guy will be getting will be from fingering a medicine bottle trying to get the vicodins out.

journalising is hard, yo!

“The French army in battle ready combat!!”

Paris, France - If there is one thing the French hate more than loud Americans its Iranians with nuclear power. The French recently decided to grow a pair and call on Iran to cut their shit out. As Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner said:

We will not accept that such a bomb is made. We must prepare ourselves for the worst. We have decided, while negotiations are under way … to prepare for eventual sanctions outside the United Nations, which would be European sanctions.

That might just mean they don’t want the U.S. sticking its nose in European affairs. But Iran getting their hands on nuclear bombs would be everyone’s problem. The United States on the other hand has decided to take the peaceful approach according to Defense Secretary Robert Gates:

I think that the administration believes at this point that continuing to try and deal with the Iranian threat, the Iranian challenge, through diplomatic and economic means is by far the preferable approach. That’s the one we are using.

When you leave a country in ruins the time for soft words are necessary, especially after using that big stick.

Oh Teddy!

“That’s not how we’re going out but that would be cool.”

Jakarta, Indonesia - There has been some serious earthquake activity in Indonesia this past week and it seems that no one has made any mention of it. Of course the major news networks gave it coverage, as much coverage as they gave to anything else not US or celebrity related. But it has been three days and Indonesia is still rockin’ out with their.. well rock out. As small reports have said:

A strong earthquake with a preliminary magnitude of 6.4 struck off the southwestern coast of Sumatra Friday in the same area shaken by a major 8.4-magnitude temblor that killed 13 people earlier in the week.

And that is just the edge of it, there have been aftershocks left and right. As told by David Applegate of the U.S Geological Survey:

What we have here is a subduction zone, where one of the Earth’s plates is moving down beneath the other. In this case, the Indian Ocean and the Australian Plate are moving beneath the Eurasian Plate. In this kind of a situation you’re going to get earthquakes as the strain builds up, but what we’re seeing now is almost every segment of this plate has ruptured just in the last several years.

Allow me to leave it in one world maybe all of you can understand people. PANGAEA!! The tectonic plate gods are angry with us for mistreating Mother Earth and it seems they are intent on putting the world back together. I say we take Mother Earth full on! Let’s show that bitch what we’re made of. We should drop nukes on these plate edges so they stop rubbing together like that chick’s legs in Black Snake Moan. Yeah, the horny one.

Rent it!

“Big Daddy enjoying some skydiving.”

Moscow, Russia - Most news sources have cited that relations with Russia have been “chilly.” Russia just announced they have created the “dad of all bombs” to outshine the U.S’s “mother of bombs.” We might as well stop beating around the bush and call this competition cold. Col.-Gen. Alexander Rukshin, a deputy chief of the Russian military’s General Staff had this to say:

The tests have shown that the new air-delivered ordnance is comparable to a nuclear weapon in its efficiency and capability.

This sounds like what Nicoli Koloff from Rocky 4 said about Drago:

It is a matter of size. Evolution. Isn’t it, gentlemen? Drago is the most perfectly trained athlete ever. This other man has not the size, the strength, the *genetics* to win. It is physically impossible for this little man to win. Drago is a look at the future!

Where is our Rocky when we need him?

cue in Hearts on Fire!