Topic: Democratic

“I couldn’t find a decent picture of them.”

London, England - Led Zeppelin will be reuniting for a concert in England slated for November. The original surviving members, Robert Plant (singer), Jimmy Page (guitar) and John Paul Jones (bass) have reunited before but this time it would coincide with the “Best of Led Zeppelin.” It is rumored that a tour would start if the concert was successful.

I thought the point of classic rock was to stay classic and not throw concerts in this day and age. I know some people would lose their shit over this but I like my classic rock like I like my Lynrd Skynrd.

tired of tired rock!

There he goes again:

MOSCOW (AP) - President Vladimir Putin dissolved Russia’s government Wednesday in a major political shakeup ahead of parliamentary and presidential elections, the Kremlin said. The dissolution is expected to result in a new prime minister, who will be seen as Putin’s choice to succeed him after he steps down next spring.

I’m left wondering if “dissolution” refers to the process by which Putin pounded a gavel and said “NYET!” or a process where he kidnapped these people and dumped them on to a conveyor belt with a bone grinder at the end of it like Chevy Chase in “I Love Trouble” and melted their remaining bones. Dubious word, “dissolved.”

Link!

OULU, Finland – Nothing legitimizes a contest about ‘nothing’ more than a chubby Japanese man in a T-shirt most third-graders would die to wear for class picture day.

A Bengal Tiger, seen here on stage wishing he were extinct rather than have fake guitarist Ochi Yosuke popping out of his head and ears, laid down an air-lick to The Offspring’s 1994 #1 Hit “Come Out and Play” to win the Air Guitar World Championship.

To the tiger’s dismay, it was Yosuke who was awarded a $3400 custom-made Flying Finn electric guitar for displaying such, ahem… talent. Perhaps the riffless wonder will trade-in his axe for some lessons. Rock on, faux-fighter!

Adding insult to injury was Yosuke tossing the cotton silkscreen beast into a laundry basket, replete with sweat stains and stretch marks, for a fresh shirt to party like a Not Star with phony fans.

The American entrant, Andrew Litz, took 11th place despite finishing with a wicked backflip onto an empty beer can. Recycling while representing–pretty fly for a white guy!

One thing’s for sure…when it’s a slow news day, there’s always something mortifying and/or horrific going on in Africa…

The World Health Organisation said Tuesday that five cases of the deadly Ebola virus had been confirmed in the Democratic Republic of Congo, after dozens of people succumbed to an unidentified illness in recent months. The five cases of the viral hemorrhagic illness were confirmed in western Kasai in the centre of the vast African country, WHO spokeswoman Fadela Chaib told journalists in Geneva.

Ebola causes the patient to bleed under the skin and in severe cases, from the mouth, ears and eyes. The virus, which has no known cure, is highly infectious for those who come into contact with a victim’s body fluids

The only thing I know about the Congo is that Billy Joel said there are Belgians  there. I’m going to be honest here: I don’t care. Since I was two it’s been blahblah Africa AIDS blahblah Africa hunger blahblah hideous disease that causes organ failure and the shits…I don’t care! Excuse me now, I’ve got a children sandwich to eat.

link!

“Which one in Bin Laden?”

OA - Generally OverAdulthood wouldn’t bother reporting the new Bin Laden video because they appear so often that they have lost their impact. But this recent video is worth reporting because it shows a picture of Bin Laden rocking a black beard. As to whether Bin Laden is dead or not has not been confirmed. Bin Laden is like Tupac. You keep on hearing his voice but you’re not sure anymore. The last piece of information Bin Laden confirmed was the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, who was killed in June 2006. Other than that, he keeps on referring back to 9/11 the way Tupac keeps talking about life in the 90s. The only question that remains to be answered are whether or not Tupac and Bin Laden are on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean or have they passed to Thugz Mansion? We asked resident terrorism and rap specialist, Terry Hodgins on his thoughts on the matter:

Well ya see Tupac and Bin Laden have been recording hits together for a long time now. They are both produced by Post Life Productions. If you listen to the upcoming 2008 Tupac album, you can hear low voices saying “blast the infidels.”

Riight. Nevertheless, it would be nice to see a reference from this millenium from Tupac and maybe Bin Laden holding a current newspaper. So this way we could catch Tupac and sign Bin Laden to a record contract. Wait… what?

Too early for rap and terrorism.

“Ms. Clinton, that is how far I will put my pointy sandal up your butt if you keep on harassing me.”

Baghdad, Iraq - As the new government struggles to keep it together, Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki had a message for U.S officials:

There are American officials who consider Iraq as if it were one of their villages, for example Hillary Clinton and Carl Levin. This is severe interference in our domestic affairs.

Hillary Clinton is known for making any place she feels she should be involved one of her “villages.” Take New York for example and how she carpet bagged her way to the top. One time she showed up at my house and started telling me how to run my underground apartment, then she took a shit in my bathroom and didn’t flush. True story. al-Maliki went on to say:

Carl Levin and Hillary Clinton are from the Democratic Party and they must demonstrate democracy. I ask them to come to their senses and to talk in a respectful way about Iraq.

al-Maliki should hope she doesn’t become president or that whole thing about a woman’s scorn will be quite a bitch to deal with. Then again, most U.S officials aren’t favoring al-Maliki and the way he runs his government. That or we don’t want to get Saddam-ed again.

my bathroom still smells

“hmm… suspect”

Portugal - The missing child case of Madeleine McCann has been going on since May 3rd and with new evidence inspection coming to light, Madeleine’s mom, Kate, will be formally charged as a suspect. The family spokesman, David Hughes, had this to say:

They told her last night that it would happen today. That’s definite.

Now what family has so much press, that they require a spokesman? I’ve always suspected it was the family, mainly through negligence. After being formally charged, I wouldn’t be surprised before long they break down and tell the world they ate their daughter or some insane shit like that. If I’m right, the Pope and Beckham are going to feel like assholes for supporting such terrible people. If I’m wrong, well it wouldn’t the first time I was wrong. One time I was trying to clean fake blood off my favorite pair of shorts in the living room and I spilled water all over the floor. My roommate asked me where the water came from and I said I didn’t know. Turns out, I did. So I was wrong but still right.

fake blood is hard to clean

“No, not Mexicans. Panamanians. Yes they are different.”

Panama City, Panama - The Panama canal will be expanding to fit even larger loads. The 50% increase will help reduce the price of consumer goods on the east coast. Now normally, I would do a running gag about large loads being able to fit through the canal but the smell of last night’s chinese food and gin suggest otherwise. The canal moves 4 percent of the world’s cargo and the new expansion should be ready around 2014 or 2015. Daily updates won’t be required. Panamanian President Martin Torrijos had this to say:

We are witnesses to an exceptional and unique act.

According to some, upwards of 25,000 people died in building the canal. Hopefully they won’t run the risk of losing that many in doubling up. Then again, it’s Panama and no one other than Panamanians really would notice if not for the canal. As put so eloquently by OverAdulthood’s resident geographer, Atlas Jones:

I thought Pan Am went out of business. They have a canal?

Exactly.

I’m up to no good.

“Some of these girls are pretty cute. I wouldn’t mind sharing my “beliefs” on them.”

Seoul, Korea - When OverAdulthood first heard about Koreans being taken as hostages in Afghanistan, it was played off as small fries. With Korea’s army being one of the smallest forces in Afghanistan, it was nothing major for the Taliban. All Korea had to do was pull out of Afghanistan. However, when hostages were being killed, it got serious. And when two female captives fell ill, Korean intelligence told them to hold their ground. Whether or not it worked would be determined later but two hostages were freed. Now the freedom of the Korean hostages seems very plausible. The release would come as the South Korean military would vacate Afghanistan along with any other missionaries. Considering the military hadn’t been up to much in Afghanistan, it’s a shame that two people had to die for that message to be conveyed. According to Taliban spokesman Qari Yousef Ahmadi, the Taliban and the South Korean government had:

reached an agreement.

Hopefully this results in these hostages coming home. This way they can bother the hell out of people in their own country about the joys of Jesus. Although, the church that organized their trip claimed their work in Afghanistan wasn’t about spreading the word of their God, I can imagine someone dropped a C-bomb (I’m talkin Christ here people) at some point.

Let’s just end this.

“Learn to cower in front of Motha “F-in” Nature!”

Athens, Greece - As the forest fires rage on in Greece, terrorism is being suspected. And while actual terrorists may or may not have started the fires, it has been Mother Nature who has been the culprit in flaming the fires of hatred. Prime Minister Costas Karamanlis had this to say:

So many fires breaking out simultaneously in so many parts of the country cannot be a coincidence. The state will do everything it can to find those responsible and punish them.

As to how Greek officials plan to bring the elusive Mother Nature to justice is anyone’s guess. Perhaps kidnapping her daughter, Persephone, to be held as a bargaining chip. Of course the last time this happened, we ended up with winter. Zeus only knows what predicament we got ourselves into by pissing off Mother Nature.

myths in the mornin’