Topic: Freaky Weeklys

NEW YORK, New York — According to careerbuilder , the number one way to get looked over for a promotion is to slack off.

True, there isn’t much for an American textile worker to do nowadays given that the tube socks they once knitted are now M.I.C., (that’s corporate for Made In China). But to the 230,000 who are still lucky enough to punch the proverbial clock, the lack of furtherance up the corporate ladder, they feel, rests upon the shoulders of employers themselves.

Here is Overadulthood’s Top 7 Promotion Killers. Why seven? Because ten would have been too much work.

See if any of the following are holding back your career: Continue »

Think Mike Vick’s a bad dude? Here are five equivalent scumbags who committed horrific crimes and just kept on playing…because hey, they’re talented: Continue »

It doesn’t matter when hipsters came into existence, they have become irritating to no end at this point. After traveling to Brooklyn a countless number of times, anyone will be able to see how these ass clowns go about their day. The word hipster means “a person, esp. during the 1950s, characterized by a particularly strong sense of alienation from most established social activities and relationships” or someone “who is hip”. Of course that is hypocritical when they are everywhere and more so, not hip at all. So here is a homage to hipsters…8 reasons why they suck.
8. Male Hipsters aren’t men.

While most of us took the necessary steps to avoid appearing “metrosexual” over the last few years,  male hipsters took a step in the opposite direction. In addition to plucked brows and excessive skin care products, a male hipster wears clothes tighter than your average 15 yr old girl desperate for attention. The result is a strange lanky excuse for a man whose jeans reveal everything, if anything was left worth seeing. Just because the adjective “skinny” replaced “tight” before the word jeans doesn’t mean we’re fooled. On top of the bad taste in clothing, they also have the idea that putting “man” or “guy” before feminine products will somehow make the use of these products less feminine. Products like “guy liner” or other “man-metics” don’t add masculinity to these raging pansies. If someone you know is becoming a male hipster, perhaps you should drop this helpful equation on them. Whether in the form of an email or post-it, this rule always applies:

“Man” + douche = Doesn’t make man-douche acceptable.

We know they look like bitches, it’s just a matter of time before they realize it too.

Continue »

“No violence in the house of God: just like Highlander.”

The housing projects of Trenton, New Jersey have never been an idyllic
place to live. But the past give years have ushered in a serious rise in gang violence, which has proven particularly dangerous to snitches and ten year olds.

Little seven-year-old Tajanique Lee was shot in the face 15 months ago
while riding her bike in the midst of a gun battle between the Sex
Money Murder Gang and the Gangsta Killer Bloods. It is still unclear
why she decided to bike through a gun battle, but these questions are
better left to the highly competent Trenton PD.

Continue »

“Hmm.. close but no cigar.”

BMW calls their cars the “ultimate driving machine.” It’s about time someone rendered that title null and void. A few years ago, while stuck in traffic, a friend and I created what would be the end all be all of cars. This assault on vehicles will be what Mercedes Benz calls “unlike any other.” And the only ties it would have to any car company would be the location at which this behemoth on wheels would be sold (more on that later). Lexus calls each one of their cars, the “pursuit of perfection.” The race is over.

Continue »

Fact: On a scale of 1-10, the women I interviewed felt talking dirty was a 7 in terms of importance during sex.

Plenty is said outside the bedroom, but what about inside? Recently I sat down with a few ladies to find out about the importance of talking dirty in the bedroom. From the words they never want to hear to the words they want you to scream! So get out your pen and pad, it’s time to start making a list.

Continue »

“Talent is given to you to reap and sow, not to rape and pillage.”

Artists are assholes. Now this doesn’t apply to all artists (such as comedians, actors, and singers).  They are assholes too, but assholes of a different breed. The assholes mentioned here are those who paint, photograph, sculpt, etc. The following are four different groups to which you can classify most artists. They are the:

Continue »

6. Fake Baseball/Soccer-ball Through Window - If an actual baseball went through your window, it wouldn’t be caught in the window, and you certainly wouldn’t let it stay there. This new trend is brought on by men who try to masculinize their mini-van. You traded in your sports coupe to help carry your now fat wife and kids. This plastic balls gives off the appearance that it is stuck, but the only thing that is stuck is you Mr Mini-Van-Man. A half shaped piece of plastic isn’t going to change the fact.

Continue »

Many commuters go back and forth from the office with nothing to show for it. One bus stop is making a difference. On the corner of some street in Queens, a bus stop has decided to offer some useful advice. As it says by a person named C:

If your bitch cant swim. She going drown.

Truer words have never been said. Most commuters see this as a blessing in disguise. Said one commuter:

Hmmph? And here I thought I could simply throw my bitch in the water and she would figure it out. I guess not.

Will we see more sagely advice from bus stops in the future? Only our wise man “C” knows the answers. He might just be appearing on a bus stop near you, granted he isn’t apprehended for graffiti.

“The Lord has Arrived!!”

Every day people go to and from work with nothing happening. Today on this holiest of Sundays, a miracle occurred. In a feat that has always mystified man, Jesus was seen walking on water. Jesus was resurrected today. When arriving to finish up some work at Home Depot, I saw Jesus first hand. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I wondered with all this rain, was there a message? And there he was… the Lord and Savior has RETURNED in the form of a shopping cart at Home Depot. I approached the Lord on my canoe and asked why has the Lord returned. At first he said:

…

I realized I haven’t been to confession so I told the Lord all my sins. From the time I used to moon people at this hotel, which I later found out was an old folks home, to the time I locked this guy on a roof only to throw rocks at him from a different roof. After my confessions, the waves grew torrential and almost tipped my canoe but the Lord spoke:

So prepare for a chance of a lifetime. Be prepared for sensational news. A shining new era, is tiptoeing nearer.

But I asked the Lord, where do we feature? And he spoke once more:

Just listen to teacher. I know it sounds sordid. But you’ll be rewarded, when at last I am given my dues, and injustice deliciously squared. Be prepared!

I wasn’t quite sure what he meant but before I could ask for more, Home Depot said they don’t appreciate me taking pictures of their property and canoeing in their flood problem. I was asked to leave. More of the Lord below:

I saw the Lord!!!