October 8th, 2007
“The losers get used as sandbags to hold off flood damage.”
Beijing, China – A storm that killed five people on Sunday prompted an evacuation of 1.4 million
people bitches. How are you going to let mother nature tell you what to do? In Vietnam, they are braving it out. Vietnam’s provincial disaster official Pham Hong Thuong kept it gully by spitting something real:
Communication to many parts of the province is still cut off. The death toll is likely to rise. Because that is how gangsta we keep it in the Nam!
Well maybe not all of that quote is true but China even had to cancel the vacation of flood control workers who were probably watching the Special Olympics in their town of Shanghai. I know that would ruin my day if I had to cancel my time off watching retards have drool competitions to “help people.” Hopefully they will incorporate the strong man competition with the Special Olympics to make it up to the Chinese. Maybe seeing how many wheel bound nuts steroid induced freaks from eastern Europe can carry in one trip? Still don’t know why I’m not working in television.
I’m a visionary, vision is: scary.
June 21st, 2007
A report in the publication Financial Post by a Canadian professor of geosciences says it’s not global warming we should be worried about, but old standby global cooling:
Solar scientists predict that, by 2020, the sun will be starting into its weakest Schwabe solar cycle of the past two centuries, likely leading to unusually cool conditions on Earth. Beginning to plan for adaptation to such a cool period, one which may continue well beyond one 11-year cycle, as did the Little Ice Age, should be a priority for governments. It is global cooling, not warming, that is the major climate threat to the world, especially Canada. As a country at the northern limit to agriculture in the world, it would take very little cooling to destroy much of our food crops, while a warming would only require that we adopt farming techniques practiced to the south of us.
I’m just not getting this. It’s because of the sun? Where does Dick Cheney fit in here? How does this fit into Halliburton’s nefarious plan to drill for oil and take over a world that is a combination garbage dump/barren desert wasteland patrolled by Mel Gibson dressed as Mad Max, riding around exterminating Jews and assorted other minorities? How could Al Gore be wrong about this??!!
Al Gore has probably had it up to here.
May 31st, 2007
“Home made hail in less than 5 minutes!!”
A hailstorm with chunks the size of grapes rain down in Denver, Colorado. People scattered under bridges and store canopies. A select few decided to brave the storm with bats and guns. They have yet to have been located. Brazil Redd, 21, had this to say:
It hurt. I probably got bruises. It was huge. I got soaked.
Poor diction aside, nobody was injured, including the witness.
I hope this: hurts.
May 22nd, 2007
“Yeah, I think I’ll take my umbrella.”
After a few showers and chilly days, forecasters got the rise they were looking for. US government forecasters are predicting a hellish hurricane season this year. As reported by Bloomberg News:
Experts are predicting an average of 16 named storms and four major hurricanes this year, based on the historical cycle and warm water temperatures, which can provide fuel for formation.
For those not educated in weather lingo, that basically means that if you live down south near the gulf, you better enjoy home repair. This season might make Katrina look like punk kids hitting mail boxes. This would be the time to get ready and when the hurricane comes through, if you happen to leave Fluffy out, just hope your wife loves you enough to forget the cat. Because you didn’t do that on purpose, right? Right.
I hate: cats.
March 26th, 2007
“Just give me a second to relax…”
After the release of the Wii in the UK, supplies have been running low on Nintendo’s part. Well Nintendo has drank it all up and decided that it will now release a “steady stream” all over the UK. In an actual statement by the freaks at Nintendo:
(We’ll) maximise all resources for a repaid replenishment program to consistently pump Wii consoles into the supply pipeline.
So get ready United Kingdom to get a nice splash of Wiis all over your landscape. Once Nintendo gets going, this will get messy.
I feel so: dirty