October 26th, 2007
“Does this make them even more desperate?”
The fall television season is upon us and so are the MILFs of Wisteria Lane. Lock up your gardeners and teen age boys this, is The WTF Files!
iReporters – WTF?!?
CNN is cheapening the profession of journalism with its iReport initiative, which turns ‘one’ this week. And like most one year-olds their iReporters do nothing more babble, slobber and annoy the hell out of the older reporters, and I can’t even say they’re all that cute.
If a 24/7 news format is too much for CNN to handle they should create additional Wolf Blitzer clones. Otherwise, hire more professional reporters because the last thing I want to see on AC 360 is my grandmother covering the next California wildfire… she carries around an oxygen tank to breath.
Birth Order – WTF?!?
According to a Norwegian study the order in which you were born says a lot about who you are, much like how the being the eldest usually says you’re a dick. We’re playing with fire when we start playing favorites and that’s just what this study does.
The study states that being the eldest means being a natural leader and a problem solver, that you have a great hair and you get all the chicks. No where do they make mention of being a good at making apologies. So if you’re the eldest now might be the time to pick up the phone and tell your little brother you’re sorry for teaching him how to smoke. He believed you when you said it was cool.
October 15th, 2007
“Oh, That’s what happened to the other guy!”
Indiana County, Pennsylvania – Just when you thought it was safe the vend again, the Pepsi/Cola wars are back! Except now on a minimum wage level. In Coke’s corner, Robert Koscho, 48 and in Pepsi’s corner, David Paulina, 42. Let’s Get Ready To Deliver!!! These two delivery men were fighting over shelf space at a Wal-Mart. It escalated when Pepsi met up with Coke in the parking lot and punched him enough times to break his nose and give him a black eye. Gary Baum, who owns Cook’s Market in Greensburg (local papers enjoy shamelessly plugging local stores) had this to say:
Most places have to pay premium prices for each linear foot of shelf space, especially when you get to the frozen food, beverages, cigarette companies.
Talk about company devotion. According to reports, the Pepsi guy was fired. The Coke guy is probably being bumped up to middle management. If the Mountain Dew Man was there, there would probably be a mess red and blue cans lying all over the place while MDM stood atop a pile of limbs chanting, “low sperm count, low sperm count, GO YELLOW 5!”
that’s how i dream
September 26th, 2007
NEW YORK, New York — According to careerbuilder , the number one way to get looked over for a promotion is to slack off.
True, there isn’t much for an American textile worker to do nowadays given that the tube socks they once knitted are now M.I.C., (that’s corporate for Made In China). But to the 230,000 who are still lucky enough to punch the proverbial clock, the lack of furtherance up the corporate ladder, they feel, rests upon the shoulders of employers themselves.
Here is Overadulthood’s Top 7 Promotion Killers. Why seven? Because ten would have been too much work.
See if any of the following are holding back your career: Continue »
September 25th, 2007
Naked Cheat mode coming soon pervs…
Gamesville – As Halo 3 is released today, Microsoft is holding their breath as they hope this will top even the highest grossing movie at $140 million. Pessimistic assholes on the other hand don’t expect many to shell out $80 for the game as its price is a boat load more expensive than your regular movie ticket.
Gamer Nerd Alex Escobar, who was one of the first in line for the midnight release had this to say:
It is worth it. It is time to finish this fight.
Ripping off a tag from the actual game (said so in the article, I wouldn’t know that), Escobar has tarnished the good name of the famed drug dealer and expelled himself to an eternity of nights trolling for 30 second clips of porn to get off to after 6 hr thumb numbing sessions of halo.
link here losers..
August 17th, 2007
In Your Pants – After having three kids, Heidi Klum recently did a spread for Jordache jeans. The German native is still hot and kicking it. She had this to say about her life with three kids and being married:
I have three children…That keeps you busy all the time. I work and we do a lot of things that are active. We work in the garden. We jump on the trampoline. I just started playing tennis with my husband. We climb in the tree house with the children. We go to the park and feed the ducks. We are always mobile.
Her husband, Seal, might as well stay mobile because I haven’t heard a single from him in years. As to what Klum sees in him is beyond my guess. I’m thinking its the impressive tool he carries with him everywhere he goes, and I’m not talking about his voice.
Here are some shots of Klum, go nuts:
Update: Expect more updates and Daily Humor Headlines – I’m done with classes.
August 11th, 2007
Wonder why your child is the Fatty McFat-Fat of his class? It’s because McDonald’s is doing an excellent job of brainwashing the youth of America. A new study from the August issue of Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine shows that preschool age children prefer the taste of any food, including vegetables, so long as it is packaged in the yellow and red McDonald’s paper. Childhood development specialist Diane Levin says:
You see a McDonald’s label and kids start salivating.
This study concludes that kids’ perception of taste has been physically altered by branding. You ever notice that fat kids smell like hamburgers when they sweat?
This is why.
August 3rd, 2007
“Remember when the Glass Frisbee was also recalled from the toy market.”
Near Your Dumb Child - Just because you keep your electrical outlets plugged up with plastic to ensure your child’s safety doesn’t mean your kid is safe and sound. Fisher-Price has recalled 1 million toys worldwide due to lead paint, such as: plastic Dora the Explorers and Elmo items.
This is not the first time Fisher-Price, whose parent company is Mattel, had to pull products off the shelves. Back in 1998 they recalled about 10 million Power Wheels from toy stores.
The toys being pulled were made by a Chinese vendor the company has worked closely with in the past. Fisher-Price general manager, David Allmark, has said the following of the situation:
We are still concluding the investigation, how it happened…But there will be a dramatic investigation on how this happened. We will learn from this.
Kids, if anything, you should learn this early: after you eat Chinese food you will be hungry again in 30 minutes.
“Did you eat paint chips as a child?”
July 20th, 2007
“You have a strong grip my friend, but you reek of the AIDS.”
Broadcom founder and uber billionaire Henry T. Nicholas is alleged to have his sights set on building a pornographic Bat Cave…OF DOOM!
Flush with wealth from Broadcom Corp.’s 1998 public stock offering, computer chip magnate Henry T. Nicholas III made a few additions to his equestrian estate in Laguna Hills: hidden doors and secret levers, an underground grotto, tunnels and a 2,000-square-foot sports bar he called “Nick’s Cafe.”
But there was more, according to a claim made in court documents: plans for a “secret and convenient lair” with hidden entries for Nicholas to indulge his “manic obsession with prostitutes” and “addiction to cocaine and Ecstasy.”
I’ve got one of those. I call it “my secret and convenient toolshed,” but it’s just about the same. That is, if you replace “prostitutes” with “portly octogenarians” and “cocaine and ecstasy” with “masturbation and Mountain Dew.”
To the Batcave!
July 17th, 2007
Looks like someone used too much toilet paper.
For those of you who wrap their toilet paper around their hands over a dozen times, and for those who scrunch a wad of toilet paper into a ball, this new invention: the automatic toilet-paper dispenser, will help you put those years of toilet paper over indulgence behind you.
In tests, this touch-less dispenser reduced “per event” usage from 143 linear inches to 110.
Singer Sheryl Crow would be pleased, as she is known for using one square of toilet paper “per event.”
Not only is this environmentally-friendly, it also reduces the grime factor of having to touch anything anyone else may have touched before you.
So, almost everything in public bathrooms are now touch-less. What’s next? A midget that unzips your pants and pulls down your underwear?
Germ-o-phobes and environmentalists: Unite!
July 16th, 2007
“Where shit on the wall meets shit on the plate.”
Casual Dining - The International House of Pancakes recently bought the casual dining chain, Applebees for $2.2 Billion. That might be the scent of success or two mediocre chains coming together. As reported by the Wall Street Journal:
The deal, which was approved by both companies, will give Applebee’s holders $25.50 for each of their company shares, a 4.6% premium to where Applebee’s shares traded Friday on the Nasdaq Stock Market, but below the company’s 52-week high of $29.10.
This is a big move for IHOP considering their market capitalization is half of Applebees. IHOP will have to take on serious debt to turn this into profit. Of course with IHOP serving breakfast all day, Applebees might offer a refreshing change for lunch and dinner. Because if you’re still on the whole band wagon of eating breakfast at lunch time, it might be time for you to stop making friends at the local high school.
Breakfast is: lame.