Topic: Liberal

“I think we might have made a wrong turn at Mercury.”

The Global Positioning System which oversees airplanes, cars, and money transfers might be facing doom as solar flares begin to rise. With GPS system is highly vulnerable to space weather, scientists recall last December 6, when a solar flare temporarily knocked out GPS systems. Solar activity increases and decreases in 11 year periods. The next peak is expected to be in 2011. Anthony J. Mannucci, group supervisor at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, had this to say:

This is a wake-up call.

No NASA, it doesn’t mean you’re going to get money so you can go into space to fight the sun. It means that GPS either needs a stronger signal or an antenna that blocks solar waves. Since both methods are expensive, scientists recommend that you stop being an asshole, pull over, and ask:

I’m looking for your closest liquor store, my morning coffee isn’t Irish enough.

It would make the world a much more interactive place.

I get lost quite: often

“I hope Marty made it Back to the Future!”

France recently released their new high power trains. The French TGV went up to 356mph/574.7kmh, breaking the old French record. Of course breaking any French record doesn’t require much but France is still hot on the trail to out speed the Japanese magnetic levitation trains and their top speed of 361 mph/581 kmh. Eventually France plans to instill these top speed trains all over the country, thus making it mere seconds before you die should the train derail. Good job France, as if your poor wit and bad food weren’t killing you already.

What now Cleveland: Steamer?

“The CEO during a shrimp cocktail party, it never liked small seafood.”

When the scallop fishery off of North Carolina closed its doors in 2004, it was a nail in the coffin indicating they had lost to cownose rays. The cownose rays had a good decade with a population explosion of 10 fold. This, of course, was all attributed to the decline of the CEO of Marine Life. However, with an alarming effect on the food chain, the CEO must no longer be hunted for its delicate fins but rather left to thrive in its aquatic jungle. Business experts or Scientists, as the people call them had this to say:

There are interdependencies among the species, and when you cause these imbalances, you’re going to get some effect elsewhere. For many decades, it was thought this type of cascade effect was possible only in simplified systems like ponds, so seeing this occur in the marine system is alarming. It means we’re modifying the way energy is flowing through these systems.

So as the CEO of Marine Life is reinstated and left to what it knows best, the next time you’re at the beach, be aware. Because the shark is coming back.

I don’t know how to swim: anyway

“One more round…”

Scientists who have failed at pretty much everything else, have decided to destroy the good name of Pizza. In a recent study, University of Maryland chemists were able to raise the antioxidant level in Pizza by using a wheat based dough with longer cooking times. Researcher and overall jerk, Jeffrey Moore had this to say:

The reason that we chose pizza is just because it is a very popular food product, not only in the U.S. but worldwide.

So destroying an American favorite isn’t enough for Moore, he decided to go after Pizza’s worldwide fame. He continued his ass ways by saying:

If you’re adding back all these other things that have potential negative health consequences, then you’re negating anything that you’re adding in terms of (health) value.

Pizza had this to say about the battle between itself and the scientific community:

During this fight, I’ve seen a lot of changing, in the way you feel about me, and in the way I feel about you. In here, there were two guys killing each other, but I guess that’s better than twenty million. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!

Actual info from: here

“Primitive tool in fighting mosquitos.”

Researchers (who have clearly given up the search to cure AIDS) have recently developed a mosquito that is immune to malaria. In addition to being resistant to carrying malaria, it also survives better than its disease infected counterparts, probably because it doesn’t have malaria. On top of living longer, it also lays more eggs. The top scientist wrote in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences:

To our knowledge, no-one has previously reported a demonstration that transgenic mosquitoes can exhibit a fitness advantage over non-transgenics.

Because implementing super mosquitoes in poor countries is worth less than the shit those people deal with. Before these new long lasting and annoying mosquitoes can be released, they need to studied to see that they don’t release a stronger form of malaria that would probably make it an epidemic again. As opposed to creating a cheaper form of malaria pills, messing with a relatively new science just seems cooler.

There is no money in a: cure