It appears as if Hillary Clinton, large thighed mega-dyke from Hell, has a lockdown on Democratic fundraising this quarter:
Sen. Hillary Clinton raised $27 million in the third quarter for her 2008 Democratic bid for the White House, a Clinton aide said Tuesday.
All but $5 million of Clinton’s funds can be spent trying to win the Democratic presidential nomination in the primaries, the aide said.
More than 100,000 new donors contributed to the New York Democrat, the aide said.
Clinton outpaced Sen. Barack Obama over the last three months, a reversal of positions from the second quarter.
This isn’t terribly shocking. Hypothetical question…you’re in an alley, and each of the following demands your wallet:
1. A stocky, belligerent super dyke with a contingent of Secret Service Agents and a big wet magic finger in the air that can magically calculate policy.
2. A skinny lawyer with a bad accent and 400 dollar Supercut.
3. A taller, skinnier Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
4. A three foot tall, vegan/pacifist Smiegel from Lord of the Rings
Who do you give it to? EXACTLY. It’s fairly simple dynamic that plays itself out in every election. the last Democratic primary saw the Tasmanian Devil outearn Lurch from the Addams family, until something went terribly wrong.
“Probably a better place to leave your kid next time.”
Glendale, Wisconsin – A couple strapped their 14 month old baby into a stroller at home so they could go out and party. Rachel Anderson and her boyfriend, Mitch Laputka are set to face charges on neglect and possibly general stupidity. Granted kids suck, but the child, Gabriel was found with a diaper rash, body temperature 12 degrees below normal and unconscious. According to police, the couple recent got jobs at Pizza Hut (quite an aspiration) and decided to celebrate their paychecks by going out. Anderson admitted to changing the baby once a day and Laputka said that he didn’t do diapers. But apparently, he does fat chicks. Neighbor, Dennis Ogilvie, who has a daughter the same age had this to say:
I knew they had a baby, but I never saw them with him.
That might have been because the baby was strapped to a stroller and you wouldn’t let your kid play with their kid because you knew they lived off a healthy diet consisting of pepsi and stale bread sticks. These are the type of couples that need to be sterilized with steel toe Lugz or whatever sketchy people wear when stomping in some asses.
“The strong parental figure that is Mommy’s boyfriend/dealer.”
Lawrence, Indiana (US) - Two boys brought their mother’s crack cocaine to their elementary school to expose their momma as a user and abuser. The mother, Deborah Jones (32), was arrested on drug possession. The boyfriend (because there always is one in these hilarious situations) threatened the kids to keep their lids shut about the drug dealings going on in the house. Apparently they had enough, as said by Lawrence police Sgt. James Vaughan:
I think the kids did the right thing for bringing this to the staff at the school so the police were notified.
Well OverAdulthood found out how this all went down with their exclusive informant:
Son 1: Mommy! Why do you have all these rocks?
Mom: Those are mother’s special rocks. Don’t touch them.
Boyfriend: If you do, I’ll cut you! (mom and b/f leave with one rock)
Mom: We’ll be right back, we need to go clean this rock.
Son 2: Ay yo. Ay yo. We should bring dis shit to show & tell.
Son 1: Yeah son!
Oh? You didn’t know all children speak ebonics to their peers.
Marlborough, New Hampshire – An Indian storeowner who ran one of the Marlborough cigarette stores in New Hampshire claims he was hypnotized into giving away his money. Yogesh Patel, 29, believes he was hypnotized by two other Indian men into opening up and giving away everything from the cash register. The two men claimed to be guruji, a type of Hindu priest. The two “priests” asked Patel a series of questions to which they had the pre-written answer to. Afterwards they told the storeowner the names of those very close to him. Patel says it better:
They also said my wife’s name that not too many people know. My mom’s name, they told me. And they told me what was my future goal.
That’s because your wife’s name probably has 200 syllables in it. The priests were believed to be driving a white Acura (vehicle of choice for thieving Hindu priests) and investigators warn that these men might try to fool other Indian storeowners or clerks. If that is the case, they should come to NYC. There are enough Indian storeowners to supply these guys for the rest of their days.
I’m a priest too but I rob children… of their innocence.
NEW YORK, New York — According to careerbuilder , the number one way to get looked over for a promotion is to slack off.
True, there isn’t much for an American textile worker to do nowadays given that the tube socks they once knitted are now M.I.C., (that’s corporate for Made In China). But to the 230,000 who are still lucky enough to punch the proverbial clock, the lack of furtherance up the corporate ladder, they feel, rests upon the shoulders of employers themselves.
Here is Overadulthood’s Top 7 Promotion Killers. Why seven? Because ten would have been too much work.
See if any of the following are holding back your career: Continue »
Gamesville – As Halo 3 is released today, Microsoft is holding their breath as they hope this will top even the highest grossing movie at $140 million. Pessimistic assholes on the other hand don’t expect many to shell out $80 for the game as its price is a boat load more expensive than your regular movie ticket. Gamer Nerd Alex Escobar, who was one of the first in line for the midnight release had this to say:
It is worth it. It is time to finish this fight.
Ripping off a tag from the actual game (said so in the article, I wouldn’t know that), Escobar has tarnished the good name of the famed drug dealer and expelled himself to an eternity of nights trolling for 30 second clips of porn to get off to after 6 hr thumb numbing sessions of halo.
Government is full of creepy perverts. Remember that dude who killed himself after he got caught on Dateline NBC(episode never aired). He just got one-upped:
J.D. Roy Atchison, the federal prosecutor accused of traveling from Gulf Breeze to Michigan with the intent of having sex with a 5-year-old girl, will remain jailed in Detroit.Atchison, 53, was arrested Sunday after getting off an airplane in Detroit.
Since Aug. 29, he’d been having almost daily online chats with an undercover officer posing as a mother interested in offering her fictitious 5-year-old daughter for sex, law officers said.
Atchison arrived at the airport Sunday with a Dora the Explorer doll, hoop earrings and petroleum jelly.
If you’re as creepy as me, the first thing you did was try and find this guy’s Myspace…no? You’re Welcome.
Orem, Utah – A 70 year old woman was arrested and charged for not taking care of her lawn. Betty Perry is charged for resisting arrest and having a brown lawn. Along with being arrested, Perry injured her nose. Perry’s lawyer, Gloria Allred, is the same woman handling the case against Britney Spears’ child custody case. She had this to say:
I ask the citizens of Orem: How many of you would like to have your great-grandmother taken from her home with bruises and blood and placed in handcuffs…. Let’s bring sanity back to law enforcement.
Although some raised their hands, the majority of people felt grandma should be set free on the reasoning that she is old and her drapes shouldn’t have to match the carpet… or her lawn be watered, whatever that means.
Las Vegas, Nevada – Orenthal James Simpson is back at it again! The former running back didn’t have a chance to run from the law this time as he was apprehended shortly after allegedly holding up two people in their hotel room for sports memorabilia in conjunction with other suspects. Of course O.J. felt it was a giant misunderstanding as he believes there were no guns involved. However, the validity of his story was called into serious question as two guns were seized under investigation. Las Vegas police Lt. Clint Nichols had this to say:
We don’t believe anybody was roughed up, but there were firearms involved in the commission of the robbery.
Simpson’s former belongings may have been in possession of the two people who were sports memorabilia collectors. This may have been the cause of the robbery but even more important are some quotes by Kim Goldman about OJ:
He’s capable of stabbing people to death, so I think robbery is nothing surprising. Normal, logical, civil-minded, law-abiding people don’t storm a room with guns demanding stuff back.
I guess she thinks he did it. I wonder if there is proof:
Simpson is currently being held without bail, as if he had the money to pay to get out. If he is convicted on the charges of two counts of robbery with a deadly weapon, two counts of assault with a deadly weapon and one count each of armed burglary and conspiracy to commit burglary, he could be facing up to 30 years in prison, maybe giving him another chance to be called The Juice, in jail.
Chicago, Illinois – Five old aging gangsters were found guilt on monday on charges of rackateeing, extortion, loan sharking, and murder. The 18 unsolved murders were heard over a 10 week trial period. One of the deaths included the murder of Tony “The Ant” Spilotro, the inspiration behind Joe Pesci’s character in the 1995 movie, “Casino.” The main witness was Nicholas Calabrese, an admitted hitman hoping to avoid the death penalty. Calabrese even sold his own brother up the river. The five involved were:
Alleged mob boss James Marcello, 65; alleged mob capo Joseph “Joey the Clown” Lombardo, 78; convicted loan shark Frank Calabrese Sr., 70; and convicted jewel thief Paul Schiro, 70… The fifth man, retired Chicago police officer Anthony Doyle, 62.
Other than the retired cop, the rest may face up to life in prison. Looking at their respective ages, that doesn’t seem so long. Calabrese had this to say in regards to testifying against his brother:
In my mind, I knew I had to do this because if I didn’t, my brother would have flattened me. I would have been left there.
One time my brother didn’t want to hang out with me while we were at a family function. He was under 21 but the bartender still served him thinking he was of legal age. I told the bartender he was 18 and he wasn’t served the rest of the night. I ended up getting gum in my hair by my own fault. This has nothing to do with the mobsters but as my journalism teacher once told me, “don’t mess with the Italians.”
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