Topic: World

In a recent interview with Time Magazine, George Clooney let an early presidential endorsement drop like Dapper Dan from his thick, damp, skull. Said Clooney:

CLOONEY: I’m just hoping Gingrich gets in. Come on, Newt! Actually there’s a really good field out there. I like Barack Obama a lot. I’ve spent some time with him… I’ve actually had that conversation with him, just saying “Look, I’ll give you whatever support you need—including staying completely away from you.”

I think that would be quite a good idea. Obama is plastic and bland enough on his own, and getting by on Hallmark speeches that are only matched in their lack of substance by…the latest Oceans 11 sequel. He doesn’t need an equally plastic Clooney standing next to him. Clooney is a ratpack Ken Doll and Obama is something out of a blacksploitation version of the film Mannequin.

Someone drown Danny Ocean

A mid-op contemplates completion of gender re-assignment

I decided to report on this story because I can’t stress enough how happy I am that Rosie O’Donnell will no longer be polluting my television. Essentially, closure:

The straw that broke Rosie O’Donnell’s “View” back? According to Rosie pal Kathy Griffin, O’Donnell grew incensed when “View” producers chose to sensationalize the recent on-air fight between Ro and co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck — with a split screen graphic…”I said, ‘What was it really?’” recalled Griffin. “‘The split-screen.” She said, ‘I don’t want to do “Hannity and Colmes.”

I’m glad we have Kathy Griffin to clarify. Rosie can sleep knowing she did her part to give her hag friend five seconds in the spotlight speaking for her. Can we simply call it as we see it? This move had little to do with Rosie’s disdain for the “Hannity and Colmes” format and much to do with her “Ralph Cramden with a jughead” looks being juxtaposed on HDTV with the boneriffic Hasselbeck’s. Aside from Beaver Behar and her fat, stupid ass, no one did more to politicize “The View” than Rosie.
As long as I don’t use nappy headed ho I think the title is fine

Rosie O’Donnell will make no further appearances, on The View, thanks in part to her obscene outbursts, which most recently included her morally equating our troops with terrorists and personally going after the beautiful, thin, and therefore far more relevant Mrs. Hasselbeck.  Per an extremely friendly press release:

We had hoped that Rosie would be with us until the end of her contract three weeks from now, but Rosie has informed us that she would like an early leave. Therefore, we part ways, thank her for her tremendous contribution to ‘The View’ and wish her well

Rosie’s contributions included creating a freakshow atmosphere where those who normally wouldn’t pay attention to the show(read- male heteros and attractive females) tuned in for a daily dose of odd that’s no longer available since Lyndon Johnson freed the midgets(I think?).  While none of us here at Overadulthood are Jewish, we prefer our television Kosher, sans angry pork like O’Donnell.

I think Rosie might have a future in magazines

It appears that Paris Hilton may not have to serve her full 45-day sentence in jail. Last week, the socialite was sentenced to 45 days in the LA county jail for violating the terms of her probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving incident. However, there are overcrowding issues in the jail, which means that Hilton might not have to serve the full time.  LA County sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said,

“It’s possible that it could be 21 days, 23 days. It’s a complicated formula that the state sets down. It’s possible that she could do less time…our jail is bursting at the seams.”

While this has been a known fact for a while about the LA jail, it’s PARIS for the love of god. She’s like a broomstick with a wig and big glasses. Just stick her in the crack of the wall or under a mattress…problem solved!

The worst-dressed celeb of the year award goes to: Britney Spears! Is she kidding with these outfits? This girl is so lost without her stylist and her mind. She parades around LA and New York looking like a crazy escaped mental patient. The picture above shows us one of Britney’s latest self-made styles: the beach girl/Osama-look. I honestly don’t know who I would be more afraid of at this point. Maybe the towel is for when she goes to eat barbeque? Britney would try to patent it and the idea would be,

If y’all eat barbeque twelve times a day like I do, you don’t need a bib! You need my super-cool hat with built in barbeque-sauce dripper catcher thingamabob! 

If I ever ran into her on the street, I would throw banana peels at her…and then she would put them on her head and wear them as a hat.

Spiderman 3 mashed records with its opening weekend, but America’s only known living werewolf, George Lucas, was not impressed:

Lucas told me he has seen all the summer movies since his company, Industrial Light and Magic, does most of the special effects. The only one they didn’t work on was “Spider-Man 3.” What did he think of it?

“It’s silly. It’s a silly movie,” he said. “There just isn’t much there. Once you take it all apart, there’s not much story, is there?”

Well, it’s not “Star Wars.”

“People thought ‘Star Wars’ was silly, too,” he added, with a wink. “But it wasn’t.”

I haven’t even seen Spiderman yet, but the reviews, though mixed, make me think it’s a worthwhile spectacle. More worthwhile than say, ohhhhhhhh, I dunno…

Thought-Spiderman is probably good, but why is Mary Jane such a Fug wench?

Millionaire Marxists in the House

I remember when Rage Against the Machine was one of my favorite bands. I used to blast songs like “Killing in the Name Of” and “Bulls on Parade” and I just thought the lyrics were kind of cool and edgy. The level of admiration I had for”Rage” was commensurate with my own blinding self-hatred since I was a short, unpopular teenager. Strangely, my affinity for this angry music ended when I stopped being a nerdy assclown(read- last week) and when I read books and realized that “Communism” means gulags and secret police and people riding vinyl siding 90 miles to Florida because it’s better than just hanging out where you live.

In any event, Rage Against the Machine got together again and predictably had something to say about the Iraq War. Shockingly, it wasn’t laudatory:

NDIO, Calif- Thousands of sunburnt fans roared in unison and pumped their fists in the desert air Sunday night as reunited political rockers Rage Against the Machine took the stage at the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival. Grinning, lead singer-rapper Zack de la Rocha pumped his fist along with them.

Seven years after the quartet broke up following de la Rocha’s departure, the band returned with a vengeance to close out the three-day festival east of Palm Springs.

Stomping, shouting into his microphone, grabbing his curly hair and inciting the audience to “keep fighting,” de la Rocha powered through songs ranging from the bass heavy “Bulls on Parade” to the anthem “Killing in the Name.”

He also railed against the war in Iraq and likened Bush administration officials to Nazi war criminals.

“This current administration is no exception. They should be tried and hung and shot,” he said.

This would be a somewhat whacked out gripe if Rage Against the Machine wasn’t known for hanging upside down American flags on the stage and posters of Che Guevara from amplifiers. That alone makes it an obscene disaster of a comment. Tom Morello and co. criticizing an American war is kind of like David Duke explaining why the Celtics were better than the Lakers in the ’80s. Deep down you know the conversation has nothing to do with Larry Bird’s clutch jumpers. I don’t know much about practical communism(oxyMORON), but shouldn’t these guys be making music in a mudhut somewhere and feeding the hungry? Are they donating their entire Coachella salaries to some collective farm where all the homeless in California can make their own cheese? We should hang Bush from a tree, but we should idolize a guy who indiscriminately executed hundreds of landowning Cuban citizens in the name of “revolucion?” Forgive me if I seem confused.

Zach de la Rocha can Rage Against my Balls

Gisele Bundchen, the leading “Angel” for Victoria’s Secret, is turning in her jeweled bra and panties. According to Page Six, the Brazilian bombshell wants a raise from her $5 million a year salary, and she’s not getting it! Her sister Patricia Bundchen confirmed the story to Glamurana, a brazilian website. A source adds:

Her demands were outrageous. She got a new lawyer who was unrealistic. Victoria’s Secret doesn’t care. They have five new hotter, younger girls debuting next year. And they wont have to deal with any craziness.

Since when is paying a supermodel $5 million NOT craziness? All they do is sit there half naked and look pretty. Sometimes they have to sit very still. And let’s not forget they walk in heels down a runway every few months too. I guess this is considered one of the harder jobs in the world. Luckily for the models though, the camera crew holds up pictures of kittens and teletubbies to keep them entertained.

As for Gisele, she needs to realize that $5 million is pretty damn generous, considering the “difficulty” of her job. She should be happy with $1,000 and a pack of gum. Why doesn’t Victoria’s Secret take her $5 million salary, pay for plastic surgery for 10 girls and voila! 10 new Giseles! Problem solved.

The Prince(above), in camo, angrily pursuing that Jungleman who stole his Beefeater

It appears that Prince Harry(the cool one) is off to Iraq:

The head of the British army said Monday that he had personally decided that Prince Harry, the third in line to the throne, will serve with a combat unit in Iraq. Gen. Sir Richard Dannatt said the decision would be kept under review, but he hoped his statement would end media speculation on Harry’s deployment.

“The decision has been taken by myself that he will deploy in due course,” Dannatt said. “I would urge that the somewhat frenzied media activity surrounding this particular story should cease in the interests of the overall security of all our people deployed in Iraq.”

He spoke after newspaper reports cited unidentified senior military officials as saying an army review was likely to lead to Harry being banned from the battlefield, although he could still do a desk job.

I think this is rad. Where’s Prince Horseface on this one? I have to laugh about the concern here, because people are treating this as if the Prime Minister himself is strapping rounds to his middle aged torso and going Rambo. This is a British Royal, whose responsibilities include not embarrassing his family and acting dignified. When one ascends to the British throne they become nothing more than Ruler of Welfare Queens. They get paid and gifted salary and title to be a national symbol. THE LEAST these people could do is act royal and do something “swashbuckling” once in a while. The last English royal to do anything of the sort for his country was Sean Connery, and that was in a bad King Arthur movie nobody saw. Think about how fearsome Prince Harry will be in a faraway land where he’s deprived of his booze.

Toast Harry

British bad boy Hugh Grant was arrested two nights ago for wielding baked beans at a photographer. Apparently the photographer, Ian Whittaker, was trying to snap photos of Hugh leaving his London apartment.

The actor, according to British press reports, allegedly kicked Ian Whittaker three times as Whittaker attempted to photograph him near his West London home. Whittaker alleges Grant then picked up a large carton of baked beans and threw them at the lensman, leaving him “bruised” and “battered” and slathered in the sticky mess.

Ok, how does one get “bruised and battered” by baked beans? Maybe it was an extra large, heavy container of them. And you thought Russell Crowe was dangerous. That Aussie throws phones and fists, but Hugh throws produce! And not just any produce, baked produce. Man, those Brits don’t mess around. My advice to the paparazzi: when trying to snap photos of Hugh Grant, Jude Law or someone equally as boring, try to be in a safe place like an alley or a hardware store; they won’t be able to lift anything in those places. And whatever you do, stay away from the salad bars and grocery stores. Because you never know, Pierce Brosnan may be waiting for you with a huge head of lettuce, iceberg lettuce.