October 24th, 2007
OA - NBC aired its first episode of Phenomenon tonight. Although the tricks could easily be staged, they could also be well produced. The idea of magic being this impossible event made possible has already passed. Society has become way too skeptical to believe some jerk is performing truly magical acts. The host, your typical British man, did a good job to keep viewers hooked between commercials. The commentary from Uri Gellar seemed credible. However, the commentary from Criss Angel seemed forced and absurd. Anyone should be insulted to take performance tips from an ass who insists on making biting gestures to a camera. Here were tonight’s four “mentalists” and their acts:
Ehud Segev – He was able to “transfer” touch between two people without either of them actually touching. This trick would be too easy staged. Given that it was “live” we can only ‘believe’ this guy was talented. Trick wise, it seemed boring. The two participants were Carmen Electra and Ross (Gay guy from the Tonight Show with Jay Leno). I would’ve been a lot more impressed if he actually touched them with sledgehammers.
Jim Karol – This guy put his hand in a wolf trap while guessing what celebrity another woman wrote on a card. Another easily staged trick but his build up was slightly more entertaining. However, he did look like a “lumberjack” (Uri’s words) and was anything but phenomenal.
Eran Raven – Anyone named Raven should be slapped and his trick involved guessing what nail gun Carmen Electra loaded wasn’t actually carrying real nails. I guessed gun 2 and if I was on stage, it would have been a lot more entertaining to see me guess wrong than watch this fool blow chunks.
Gerry McCambridge – This moron guessed a phone number out of four phone books using random people and selection. I wasn’t impressed because I couldn’t get over the fact how much of an asshole this guy looked like.
The only slightly impressive event was watching Uri Gellar ‘project’ a symbol into people’s minds. I didn’t know the answer to that because the lights in the background were too distracting by making star like shapes the entire show. Concentrating would cause anyone to choose that. On top of that these people are considered “stars” (well somewhat). All together the show doesn’t have anything worth checking out for a second time or really the first.
he chose a star..
October 16th, 2007
“Remember, sweat doubles as lube…”
Atlanta, Georgia - The ides of October just passed and the chances of a rapper getting arrested were looking grim but thanks to rapper T.I., let embarrassment of the rap community continue! Clifford Harris (T.I.) was arrested on gun charges yesterday. The rapper, a convicted felon, doesn’t have the right to own any firearms. So when he gave his bodyguard $12,000 to buy some weapons, his “protector” turned snitch and ratted him out to the cops. According to David Nahmias, U.S. attorney for the Northern District of Georgia:
The last place machine guns should be is in the hands of a convicted felon, who cannot legally possess any kind of firearm. This convicted felon allegedly was trying to add several machine guns to an already large and entirely illegal arsenal of guns.
T.I’s defense team claimed there are always “two sides to a story, sometimes three,” but I think he should use his lyrics as his defense, such as:
t.i. – Call me candle guy, simply because I am on fire.
Wouldn’t we be doing the jail system a favor if we prevented a guy with hemorrhoids (or possibly gonorrhea) from entering its cells? Just sayin…
Up in this peace!
October 5th, 2007
Sigh. More Britney news. It is getting a little exhausting, but who are we to turn away from her troublesome media-friendly turn for the worse? Scumbags who have nothing better to do? Correct! But it’s all for your entertainment so shut up and keep reading.
Earlier this week, a court ordered that Spears’ children be taken away from her and placed in full custody of Kevin Federline, allowing Spears only monitored visitation rights. Judge Scott M. Gordon ruled in the last hearing:
“The minor children shall remain in the custody of [Federline] with the exception of those specific dates and times as ordered by the Court…Pending the further order of the Court, all visitation shall be in the presence of a monitor. The monitor shall terminate the visitaton immediately if any conduct or action by [Spears] endangers the minor children.
Well that’s crazy. What on earth could Spears possibly do that would harm her children? Feed them tacos with her hands? Use bed linens as baby wipes? Make them chug soda directly from the bottle? Ridiculous.
October 2nd, 2007
Los Angeles, California – Everyone was SO quick to report Britney Spears losing her kids that they forgot the real story here. Federline won himself some children! Of course both parents had to stop being petty towards each other and learn how to parent together. Well the judge said it better like this:
He also barred the exes from making “derogatory remarks about the other party and the other party’s family or significant other” during the case. And he ordered the parents to go through “joint co-parenting counseling” and barred them from using corporal punishment on the boys.
The kids will be switching from a life of privilege and parental apathy to poverty and deficient attention. While most fathers would read a classic storybook to their kids, I can imagine Kfed puffing on a newport and reading rhymes from Playing With Fire such as:
One to the two, two to three,
Fell asleep in the whip,
woke up in the squee.
Last night was crazy,
tonight is going down!
Show my lady friend all around the town.
Parked the Harley and hopped in the truck,
Smelling good, and looking like 10 million bucks.
Blue Yankee hat on,
Red monkey pants on,
Fresh to death,
’cause I keep the latest fashion.
???? Then again, I imagine it’s a little better than having Britney Spears’s method, which probably consists of her burning you with her cigarette while falling into another drug coma all while reading US weekly.
i found those kids: here
September 28th, 2007
Well this is not really anything new, but it has been reported that Lindsay Lohan stole cocaine from Jackass star Steve-O. While on the Howard Stern Show recently, Steve-O told the shock jock all about Lindsay and her cocaine troubles. According to Page Six, Steve-O said:
Lohan took what he called the “Boog Suge” from him after she forgot her wallet in his bathroom and came back to his place to get it. There’s even proof she was there – Lohan had to sign a release while at Steve-O’s house for a DVD he was filming at the time.
OK, let’s be real here. Lindsay Lohan stealing coke is not that surprising. After all, she was found doing coke and having sex with random men while STILL IN rehab. The shocking part is, why on earth are Lindsay Lohan and Steve-O hanging out? Maybe she was just strolling along, trying to find some coke or some men to do, and she sniffed her way to Steve-O’s house, kind of like a bloodhound. They should use Lindsay as one of those K9 police dogs. A man in uniform will put her on a leash and have her on all fours trying to sniff out the coke. Actually, that’s probably not too different from what she was doing in rehab.
A-YO FOR YA-YO!
September 17th, 2007
Lights! Camera! Snore. That’s probably the best way to describe the Emmy’s this year. Hosted by closet-case Ryan Seacrest, the show just didn’t have that “something” it needed. That something should have been creative writing. Or star-studded performances. Instead we got Ryan Seacrest in all his flamboyant glory and Christina Aguilera singing with her grandpa. Oh, sorry that was Tony Bennett. Either way, a match-up like that sounds good in theory: two well-trained, talented vocalists from very different generations-insert pensive nod of approval here-but it turned out to be a big bore. Did we mention that the song was “Steppin’ Out With My Baby?” Is that some kind of tongue-in-cheek reference to Christina Aguilera’s new-found pregnancy? Ha! They can’t pull the wool over Overadulthood!
The best part of the show was the opening act with Brian and Stewie Griffin from controversial cartoon “Family Guy.” They sang a song about TV that was mocking and judgmental, just the way we like it here. A tidbit:
Brian: “ABC has got a lineup that’s refreshing and alive-with it’s hits like ‘Desperate Housewives’ just continuing to thrive.” Stewie: “And those women look sensational for being 65!”
Nice. Then the show goes downhill from there. There was nothing really horrible about it, like Britney’s VMA performance, but there was also nothing that exciting either. Although Sally Field’s acceptance speech for that horrid drama “Brothers and Sisters” was pretty ridiculous. She sounded like the drunken grandma at somebody’s wedding. She was telling the audience to “shutup” so she could finish talking about “our children” out there in the war, and then she completely lost her train of thought and just started saying “war…uh, the war…” over and over again. Maybe her alzheimers is finally kicking in. Next year, let’s hope for Ellen DeGeneres again. She had a brief stint this year while presenting an award, and those two minutes were funnier than the whole show. Good job Ryan. We vote lesbian!
September 14th, 2007
What’s wrong with this picture? The lips? The boobs? The cabbage patch doll/hooker on crack outfit? Well we’ll help you out- it’s ALL of it. The former porn-megastar Jenna Jameson keeps trying to transform herself into a respected actress/model. This picture was taken at the Heatherette fashion show where she appeared strutting her bony bod and reduced boobies.
Didn’t she used to be smokin hot? What the hell happened? Someone needs to remind Jenna that sometimes, you should stick to what you know. Her lips look like she spent all day sucking…nevermind. Her body looks like she lives on cigarettes and red bull. And her boobs show years of rough…nevermind. Hmm…maybe after all these years, she’s right where she’s supposed to be in terms of looks. We apologize, Jenna, for the judgment. We forgot about all the years of abuse that poon has endured. Kudos to you for still being able to walk and talk!
We’d still hit it!
September 9th, 2007
“Doing what she does best, being gross.”
Las Vegas, Nevada – Oh Britney Britney…where do we begin? For those of you out there without the gift of cable television-consider yourselves lucky. MTV held their annual Video Music Awards show yesterday at 9 PM at the Palms Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, and opening the show was none other than Britney Spears. The opening of her performance started out with red lights, Britney silhouettes, thumping music, and then all we hear her say is, “It’s Britney, bitch.” Everyone cheers. Hearts are beating. They are filled with high hopes and the feeling of a thousand gnomes dancing happily in their stomachs. Then they realize it’s just diarrhea. Because that’s what this performance was: diarrhea. It had to be the WORST Britney performance ever.
From the first shot of the back of her greasy, extension-filled head, we should have known what to expect. She turns around, and there are blue contacts, a sequin bikini, and knee high black boots. Normally, this is something that would look good on Britney, circa 2001. Now however, it was just wrong. From her very first step she looked awkward and almost scared. She looked like the chubby girl in the club who’s wearing clothes that are way too tight so she can’t dance, but damn it she’s gonna try anyway. It was depressing. Britney used to be one of the biggest entertainers and one of the best dancers out there. Now she looked as if she didn’t even know who she was, where she was, or what she was doing. Not completely surprising, but sad nonetheless. Even though we predicted she would vomit on herself and pass out, this performance was actually much worse than that. It was like a bad car wreck that you just can’t look away from. She barely moved the entire time, she didn’t wash her extensions, and at some points during the lip-syncing, she didn’t even open her mouth. It’s aggravating that she felt it was necessary to subject everyone to that horrible display of laziness! If they put a giant Magic Eye picture up on the wall it would have been more entertaining. But that could also be because Magic Eye is the shit. And Britney was just diarrhea. Huge difference.
September 7th, 2007
Turns out the nude Vanessa Hudgens pictures that hit the internet a few days ago are REAL, her publicist has confirmed. The “High School Musical” star apparently took the photos for her boyfriend and costar Zac Efron, and now it’s all over the internet! Doesn’t get much more high school than that! The one thing no one is noticing about this picture is her face. Obviously, when there’s a picture of a naked chick, no one really looks at the face, but this one is just bizarre. Note to Vanessa or Zac or whoever posted this photo: YOU DONT HAVE TO PHOTOSHOP EVERY PICTURE! It’s like they looked at the picture, said “Well, the body looks good, but we have to photoshop something, right?” And that’s how she ended up with a face that looks like it got socked by a beachball. Good job!
September 7th, 2007
Your TV – It’s been confirmed!! Our favorite trainwreck Britney Spears is set to open the MTV Video Music Awards this Sunday, September 9th at 9 PM!!! SET YOUR ALARMS!! This is NOT to be missed! The amount of enthusiasm must be annoying to all of you, but come ON! This is BRITNEY. She is going to DANCE. And maybe SING. In COSTUME. The woman can’t walk straight, dress herself, or speak coherently and yet she’s attempting to open the most talked-about awards show in pop culture history with a performance. GENIUS! The press release from MTV states:
Las Vegas, Sept. 6th-After weeks of mind-blowing media speculation, MTV confirms today that Britney Spears will be opening the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards. Celebrating her long awaited comeback to her fans, Spears will be performing LIVE her new song “Gimme More” from her highly anticipated new album due on November 13th. The star studded awards show will air live Sunday, September 9th at 9 PM Live ET.
Her “comeback” song “Gimme More” is actually not terrible if you like that sort of breathy, horny-sounding Britney voice that made her famous. That was sexy back in the day when she was still sexy. But now if you picture Britney breathing heavily, you get an image of her chasing an ice cream truck and drooling all over herself. Not sexy. Still, I think we’re all super excited to see what she put together for her performance. At the 2001 VMA’s she performed scantily clad with live snakes while singing “I’m a Slave 4 U.” Now, she’ll probably dance around in a caftan, tube socks, and her famous towel-bib while someone feeds her fried chicken and she’ll be singing “Gimme More.” Sounds about right, doesn’t it?
Hit Me Baby!