Graceland - In what can only be described as riveting news, Elvis Presley’s handgun was stolen out of a museum across the street from Graceland. According to reports:

The theft was discovered Friday when a visitor noticed that a glass panel on the case was unfastened…

It’s not like Elvis killed anyone with that gun. He didn’t even use the gun on himself. If a fried banana sandwich was stolen, I’d understand the cause for concern. If the toilet he croaked on was stolen, even that would be more interesting than his pistol getting swiped.  Tourism at Graceland must be at an all time low.

Could I be any happier?