Think Mike Vick’s a bad dude? Here are five equivalent scumbags who committed horrific crimes and just kept on playing…because hey, they’re talented:

“Ahmma kill you like you gots keeudhz!!”

Leonard Little DE/Murderer, NFL- In 1998 Little filled up on crunk juice while celebrating his 24th birthday and then decided to jump behind the wheel. He ran a red light and crashed his Lincoln Navigator into a car driven by Susan Gutweiller, a 47 year old wife and mother, ending her life. When tested by police, Little’s BAC was .19, which is more than twice the legal limit. Little spent 90 days in prison and got 1000 hours of community service. He was suspended without pay for half a season. Afterwards, he realized the error of his ways and made a commitment to never drink and drive again…that is, until 2004, when he got busted for DWI and through the magic of a legal team that matched OJ’s, he pleaded it down to a speeding ticket…this despite the fact that Little failed three field sobriety tests and had a history that revolved around booze and killing mothers. In 2006, Little signed a 3 year extension worth 19.5 million dollars with the Saint Louis Rams.

Mike Tyson, Boxer/Lunatic - Everyone loves Iron Mike because they remember his early years fondly or because he’s great for a soundbyte. No one seems to recall that Tyson raped Miss Black Rhode Island Desiree Washington. HE FUCKING RAPED SOMEONE. Holy shit. You ever watch a Tyson fight and half the people there are rooting for him? It’s like rooting for a gentler Richard Ramirez with a lisp. Despite his conviction and three year prison term, Tyson was completely unremorseful. In 2003 he stated “”I just hate [Washington’s] guts. She put me in that state, where I don’t know. I really wish I did now. But now I really do want to rape her and her fucking mama.” In addition to that, Tyson once said the best punch he ever threw was directed at ex wife Robin Givens. Class all the way. Tyson, who earned hundreds of millions of dollars as a professional boxer, is now bankrupt, but not for lack of purses. Since his release from prison, Mike has fought in a bunch of multi million dollar fights, including one where he bit Evander Holyfield’s ear off. He retired after getting his ass kicked by a collection of scrubs.

Ruben Patterson , NBA-Ruben Patterson was a 3 time All American at Cincinnati, where the only academic requirement needed to play during the Bob Huggins era was a general understanding of ebonics. I think. Anway, after college, Patterson was drafted by the Los Angeles Lakers and bounced around Greece and the NBA Western Conference. His career really took off in 2001, where he locked down the 3 spot for the Seattle Sonics and FORCED HIS NANNY TO PERFORM ORAL SEX. Patterson pleaded guilty to rape charges, registered as a sex offender, and served a mere 15 days in jail and a 5,000 dollar fine. He followed this up in 2002 with set of felony assault charges filed by his wife, but those were later dropped. Needless to say, Patterson has earned nearly 30 million dollars since he was registered as a sex offender and served a stiff 5 game suspension at the hands of NBA super-commish David Stern. On an encouraging note, this bum has yet to sign anywhere this offseason.

Elijah Dukes, AKA Elijah Crooks, MLB- If you only saw this kid’s rap sheet, you’d think he was the starting tailback for the Cincinnati Bengals, and he probably could have been. Dukes was without question one of the best athletes to come out of Florida in the last decade and passed up a full ride to NC State for the D-Rays. He’s also arguably the biggest thug to come along since…Mike Vick? This might have something to do with his upbringing. As Tim Marchman noted in a column on Dukes, his father once shot a drug dealer for selling his mother bad crack. Since signing with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in 2003, Dukes has been arrested six times for drugs, assault, and resisting arrest. His most recent brush with the law came when he left an insane voicemail promising to kill his wife and kids. He’s entered a classroom full of children and threatened to kill his wife. He has three restraining orders and pays child support to four different women, and he may or may not have impregnated a 17 year FOSTER child recently. So how’s his baseball career going? In 2006, the Rays suspended Dukes indefinitely after getting in a series of fights with managers and teammates. Dukes threatened to quit because he felt that he was unfairly labeled a bad apple. Instead of allowing him to go his own way, as they probably should have, Tampa Bay started the season with Dukes in the outfield. After the whole “threatening to kill his wife and kids” debacle, Dukes was given time off to go find himself and relax for a couple of months. Nothing yet on how it’s going, but I’m willing to bet he’s spent his time off in pursuit of 17 year old girls and automatic weapons.

Cornelius Bennett, NFL- Cornelius Bennett was an all world collegiate linebacker who dominated the college game and parlayed his success into a long, prosperous career with the Buffalo Bills, highlighted by extensive Super Bowl losses. Bennett’s post career makeover as a family man had lead many to forget his 1997 conviction for raping and sodomizing a woman in a Buffalo hotel room, which Bennett was able to plead down to a lighter sexual abuse charge. He only ended up serving 37 days in prison, but when he got out, his career was right there waiting for him. Bennett went on to lose another Super Bowl on a defense that also featured prostitute solicitor Eugene Robinson. He went on to sign another free agent contract with the Indianapolis Colts, where he finished his career.