According to recent national weather reports, global warming went on vacation in April.

The average temperature in April 2007 was 51.7 F. This was -0.3 F cooler than the 1901-2000 (20th century) average, the 47th coolest April in 113 years. The temperature trend for the period of record (1895 to present) is 0.1 degrees Fahrenheit per decade.

2.09 inches of precipitation fell in April. This was -0.34 inches less than the 1901-2000 average, the 30th driest such month on record. The precipitation trend for the period of record (1895 to present) is 0.01 inches per decade.

Quite frankly, I didn’t notice. I learned at an early age to stick my hands down my pants when it got cold, and “oila!,” warmth arrived. I liked it so much I never really took them out. It could have been thirty, but my balls and I were roasty toasty.

It’s a wonder I haven’t gotten arrested