Recent claims by Hollywood Superdirector James Cameron that he has found the tomb of Jesus Christ and the Holy Family that he fathered before his ascension into Heaven are sending shockwaves throughout the Christian world. However, the news might not be as terrible as originally suggested. Notes the Evening Standard:

Crucially, he is not denying the resurrection – as there were no bones in the caskets.

While this might seem reasonable for most of the Christian world who believe that Christ ascended into heaven sexually untarnished and without heir, the claim that Jesus left behind a child before ascending into Heaven(considered blasphemous) has been…life affirming for some. Former Yankee pitcher and famed Born Again Christian Randy Johnson commented:

For years I felt pretty crappy about being a deadbeat dad, completely estranged from my teenage daughter who I left living in squalor in some Godforsaken midwestern town. Now I know I was just doing the Lord’s work.

Added another local man:

I always knew I was a good Christian. When I left behind, Lafonda, Kaneesha, Lexus, Ferarri, and Indonesia with my total of 8 kids I knew deep in my soul I was only doin the best I could to raise them in a good Christian environment. Word. What would Jesus Do…and shit.

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