A Canadian Judge has ordered a Canadian man to steer clear of relationships…for the next 3 years: The ruling came after Steven Cranley pleaded guilty on Tuesday to several charges stemming from an assault on a former girlfriend.

Cranley, who has been diagnosed with a dependent personality disorder, attacked his girlfriend in an argument after their breakup. He tried to prevent her from phoning the police by cutting her phone cord and punched and kicked her. He finally stabbed himself with a butcher knife when police did arrive, puncturing his aorta.

Cranley had no comments on the odd decision, but he did have a question for the judge:

Wait…does this mean I can’t get my fuck on?

The ruling is bizarre, but, speaking as someone who hasn’t had a girlfriend for three years, I can tell you that once you overcome the period commonly known as “porno avalanche” it’s pretty manageable.

Pictured above is Phil Spector, who probably won’t have a girlfriend in the literal sense for many, many years.