“His mother was a crackhead!”

LaGuardia, NYC - A man recently hid a monkey under his hat. He traveled from Peru to Florida without anyone noticing the monkey. The monkey is a marmoset and was about the size of a fist. Spirit Airlines spokeswoman Alison Russell said passengers asked the man if:

if he knew he had a monkey on him

As to where he hid the poo is probably not even worth knowing.  Passengers noticed the monkey when he climbed out of the man’s hat and perched himself on the man’s pony tail which indicates two things. The man was a dirty hippie who wanted monkey and he never got laid with that pony tail. It’s surprising he hid that first sized monkey for such a long distance. I once shat my pants on the way home from junior high school. It was a five block walk and about the size of that monkey. I got half a block before someone yelled out, “ew you just shit yourself!”

What private: life?