“That is actually a woman. But also how I imagine Leekin to look like.”

Port St. Lucie, Florida - An old Florida woman was arrested yesterday on account of possibly being the devil. Judith Leekin, 62, had 9 teens and young adults locked up in her basement so she could collect the monthly stipends she was guaranteed by the government for adopting these children. When an 18 year old girl was found 200 miles away saying she had been with Leekin for 13 years, police got wise and found the horrors inside Leekin’s home. Most of the children appeared to have an education no greater than 4th grade. Police captain Scott Bartal had this to say:

Horrible, I think, would be the best word used to describe what was going on in that house.

Burned alive, I think, would be the best words to describe the punishment that Leekin should get. Bartal went on to say:

Was there any kind of emotional attachment? Yes, it was fear.

Bartal, who apparently moon lights as Captain Kirk, said the children were soiled and starving. If there was a way to execute someone twice, Leekin would make the perfect candidate. And I thought living in my basement was terrible, at least I’m bound to my computer. As to why I keep soiling myself, well that’s a whole other bag of reasons.

This woman deserves a beat: down.