Enough of this hippie bullshit about raising children:
The diagnosis of bipolar disorder in children and adolescents has risen 40-fold since 1994, according to a new study. But researchers partly attribute the dramatic rise to doctors over-diagnosing the serious psychiatric disorder.
In the report released Monday in the journal Archives of General Psychiatry, researchers looked at the number of times children younger than 19 went to the doctor and were diagnosed with or treated for bipolar disorder. They found the number of such visits soared from an estimated 20,000 in 1994 to 800,000 in 2003.
It’s remarkable how the standard of living in this country has risen so dramatically but the number of depressed brats running around has gone up. I don’t have a degree in Brat Science, but I’m willing to bet that the increase in depressed kids coincides with the end of an era where parents simply said “no.” When you didn’t like your dinner, your parents didn’t buy you six more and allow a fucking taste test in hopes that you’d be happy and stop fucking whining, they told you to hold your nose and think about the starving kids in China. When you didn’t get the Power Wheels you wanted your parents told you “sometimes you don’t get what you want!” When you “acted out” you got a pinch, the slap, the belt, or a combination of the three while your father screamed incoherently like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. Today we have ADD, bipolar disorder, and middle child syndrome. Why? Because hippie assclowns who have been wrong about virtually everything told us it’s not ok to reasonably smack children around. Quite frankly, every anti-depressant prescription should be replaced by a streaming video from a third world country and an “ungrateful brat slap.”
City health officials took steps Thursday toward opening the nation’s first legal safe-injection room, where addicts could shoot up heroin, cocaine and other drugs under the supervision of nurses.Hoping to reduce San Francisco’s high rate of fatal drug overdoses, the public health department co-sponsored a symposium on the only such facility in North America, a four-year-old Vancouver site where an estimated 700 intravenous users a day self-administer narcotics under the supervision of nurses.
Nothing says “thank you middle class, for working hard and making good decisions…not to mention paying your obscenely high taxes” quite like rewarding a bunch of ingrate douchebags who can’t handle their shit. It’s nice to know that if I decide to give up on my life and shoot narcotics into my veins I’ll have a place to go pass out and piss all over myself.
Every time I see a cute little girl chasing balloons or adorably holding her daddy’s finger with her pint sized hand I am compelled to rethink my contempt for the dreaded possibility of fathering girls. Then I read stories like this one and I go into what can only be described as a “cringe coma.”
PORTLAND, Maine - After an outbreak of pregnancies among middle school girls, education officials in this city have decided to allow allow one school’s health center to make birth control pills available to girls as young as 11.
King Middle School will become the first middle school in Maine to make a full range of contraception available, including birth control pills, patches and condoms. There are no national figures on how many middle schools provide such services. Most middle schoolers range in age from 11 to 13.
When I was 11 there were the one or two hormonally advanced girls that had some semblance of breasts and were the object of everyone’s affection. Maybe, just maybe one of them came from a difficult family situation and was raging against her parents enough for one or two guys to get a chance at playing doctor. By the time I have kids, I fully expect to walk them into a Kindergarten class that’s more Dutch brothel than Disney Channel.
“Now that his photo is on OverAdulthood, it won’t be long before he is caught.”
Bangkok, Thailand - Christopher Paul Neil has been eluding police for years. He has been on three continents escaping police while on his pleasure path of molesting children. Three thai teens came forward claiming Neil paid them for sex while they between the ages of 9 and 14. Leading the investigation Police Col. Apichart Suribunya (love the name) had this to say:
We are quite certain he is still in Thailand and we think we are moving closer. Even if he uses a fake passport to try to get out of the country, his pictures are already published everywhere.
You know the Thai don’t fuck around. If you’re gonna buy sex, they give you plenty of options to pick up someone at least 16. One time I recall a very young Thai prostitute walking the streets with a man wearing nothing but thermal. I tried to buy her freedom away from him, but she was a sucker for thermal. Aren’t we all though?
“Mona didn’t know how to tell her husband Bill she was going bald.”
San Francisco, California - People Art nuts always wondered what happened to Mona Lisa’s eyebrows and eye lashes. Was Leonardo DaVinci trying to glorify hair loss? A engineer and inventor, Pascal Cotte, claims to have found the answer. Using his own camera, he magnified an image of the painting and was able to find proof that there used to be eyebrows and eye lashes. As Cotte said:
And if you look closely at the eye of ‘Mona Lisa’ you can clearly see that the cracks around the eye have slightly disappeared, and that may be explained that one day a curator or restorer cleaned the eye, and cleaning the eye, removed, probably removed the eyelashes and eyebrow.
About time they put that mystery to bed. Next, they should take on finding out what happened to Whoopi Goldberg’s eyebrows because I’m sure people have been wondering for ages.
Atlanta, Georgia - The ides of October just passed and the chances of a rapper getting arrested were looking grim but thanks to rapper T.I., let embarrassment of the rap community continue! Clifford Harris (T.I.) was arrested on gun charges yesterday. The rapper, a convicted felon, doesn’t have the right to own any firearms. So when he gave his bodyguard $12,000 to buy some weapons, his “protector” turned snitch and ratted him out to the cops. According to David Nahmias, U.S. attorney for the Northern District of Georgia:
The last place machine guns should be is in the hands of a convicted felon, who cannot legally possess any kind of firearm. This convicted felon allegedly was trying to add several machine guns to an already large and entirely illegal arsenal of guns.
T.I’s defense team claimed there are always “two sides to a story, sometimes three,” but I think he should use his lyrics as his defense, such as:
t.i. - Call me candle guy, simply because I am on fire.
Wouldn’t we be doing the jail system a favor if we prevented a guy with hemorrhoids (or possibly gonorrhea) from entering its cells? Just sayin…
“Comment if you can actually see the dog covered in lime, because I can’t”
San Juan, Puerto Rico - Government animals workers were hired to remove dozens of animals from the projects of Barceloneta and instead of bringing them to the shelter, workers threw them off a bridge. Spit that damage control Mayor Sol Luis Fontanez:
This is an irresponsible, inhumane and shameful act.
Yeah because the commonwealth of Puerto Rico really needs to be focusing on animal welfare. What really boggles the mind was that the workers were paid $60 for each animal recovered and $100 for each animal brought to the shelter. Then again, this is the same country’s whose parade in NYC is known for poorly planned actions and thoughts. Alma Febus, an animal welfare activist, had this to say:
They came as if it were a drug raid. They took away dogs, cats and whatever animal they could find. Some pets were taken away in front of children.
These were stray animals. I’m all for animals, but they need to pick up each animal activist and throw them in a country like India where animals run in wild packs attacking people. They don’t call America the land of opportunity because you can work minimum wage at Wal-Mart, it’s also because you can comfortably walk most of the streets (sorry Midwest) and not fear being attacked by rabies induced animals.
Indiana County, Pennsylvania - Just when you thought it was safe the vend again, the Pepsi/Cola wars are back! Except now on a minimum wage level. In Coke’s corner, Robert Koscho, 48 and in Pepsi’s corner, David Paulina, 42. Let’s Get Ready To Deliver!!! These two delivery men were fighting over shelf space at a Wal-Mart. It escalated when Pepsi met up with Coke in the parking lot and punched him enough times to break his nose and give him a black eye. Gary Baum, who owns Cook’s Market in Greensburg (local papers enjoy shamelessly plugging local stores) had this to say:
Most places have to pay premium prices for each linear foot of shelf space, especially when you get to the frozen food, beverages, cigarette companies.
Talk about company devotion. According to reports, the Pepsi guy was fired. The Coke guy is probably being bumped up to middle management. If the Mountain Dew Man was there, there would probably be a mess red and blue cans lying all over the place while MDM stood atop a pile of limbs chanting, “low sperm count, low sperm count, GO YELLOW 5!”
“If everyone in here passed the bar, why didn’t they get me anything to drink!?!”
Des Moines, Iowa - After you get married, you generally want kids. Not in the case of Marcy Grant. This 32 year old alcoholic tried to sell her four year old child to help pay for a wedding dress. Grant faces up to 10 years in the slammer but pleaded in her defense:
I’m a good mommy. I’m an alcoholic, but I’m a good mommy.
Who refers to themselves as “mommy?” That’s just strange. And I highly doubt anyone would be marrying that piece of work. So when the reports say she was trying to sell her child for a wedding dress, I’m more likely to believe wedding dress meant case of Bud Ice and a bottle of Wild Turkey, because they sound the same when slurred.
To discourage contact with children, some registered sex offenders in Maryland will be asked to post signs at their homes that say “No Candy at This Residence,” on Halloween.
For the second straight year, parole and probation agents plan to team with local police to dissuade sex offenders who are not allowed to have contact with children from participating in the holiday.
“We actually print out the signs for the offenders and hand them to them,” said Elizabeth Bartholomew, a spokeswoman for the Division of Parole and Probation. “We expect them to post the signs.”
I once went on a date to the Museum of Sex and among the many kinky phenomenons on display was the Furry display, where people dress up like stuffed animals and get their bang on. I have to believe that this preference originates, for most of these folks, from that time one Halloween when they were invited into the home of “Barney the Dinosaur” and left with sore bottoms and a tear stained Barney bag full of nightmares.
