Recently, Time magazine did a blowjob editorial on Michael Bloomberg and Arnold Schwarzenneger painting them as politicians who “do important stuff” and commending their innovative approach. Their accomplishments? Treating smokers like second class citizens, forcing all of us to ride around in golf carts, and making dietary decisions for their entire populace….in other words, paving the road to hell with fascism by a thousand cuts.

That said, here’s a piece of legislation I can really sink my teeth into…a worthy cause if you will:

MANSFIELD — “Pull ‘em up or pay up.”

That’s Police Chief Don English’s interpretation of a new law that takes effect in Mansfield on Sept. 15

Anyone caught wearing sagging pants who exposes his or her underwear will be subject to a fine of up to $150 plus court costs, or face up to 15 days in jail.

Mansfield aldermen voted unanimously at today’s 4:30 p.m. meeting to enact the new law.

Harsh? No. Pants sagging is a sin punishable by death. It ranks somewhere between the guido blowout and crocs on the felonious fashion scale. That said, giving anyone who stumbles around like they shit themselves with their pants around their ankles a 15 day trip to a place where their ass will serve as a black cock superhighway is almost as good as the firing squad I’d have proposed.

Maybe a wedgie won’t seem all that bad any more?