“Run yo pockets, bitch!”

Marlborough, New Hampshire - An Indian storeowner who ran one of the Marlborough cigarette stores in New Hampshire claims he was hypnotized into giving away his money. Yogesh Patel, 29, believes he was hypnotized by two other Indian men into opening up and giving away everything from the cash register. The two men claimed to be guruji, a type of Hindu priest. The two “priests” asked Patel a series of questions to which they had the pre-written answer to. Afterwards they told the storeowner the names of those very close to him. Patel says it better:

They also said my wife’s name that not too many people know. My mom’s name, they told me. And they told me what was my future goal.

That’s because your wife’s name probably has 200 syllables in it. The priests were believed to be driving a white Acura (vehicle of choice for thieving Hindu priests) and investigators warn that these men might try to fool other Indian storeowners or clerks. If that is the case, they should come to NYC. There are enough Indian storeowners to supply these guys for the rest of their days.

I’m a priest too but I rob children… of their innocence.