Lights! Camera! Snore. That’s probably the best way to describe the Emmy’s this year. Hosted by closet-case Ryan Seacrest, the show just didn’t have that “something” it needed. That something should have been creative writing. Or star-studded performances. Instead we got Ryan Seacrest in all his flamboyant glory and Christina Aguilera singing with her grandpa. Oh, sorry that was Tony Bennett. Either way, a match-up like that sounds good in theory: two well-trained, talented vocalists from very different generations-insert pensive nod of approval here-but it turned out to be a big bore. Did we mention that the song was “Steppin’ Out With My Baby?” Is that some kind of tongue-in-cheek reference to Christina Aguilera’s new-found pregnancy? Ha! They can’t pull the wool over Overadulthood!

The best part of the show was the opening act with Brian and Stewie Griffin from controversial cartoon “Family Guy.” They sang a song about TV that was mocking and judgmental, just the way we like it here. A tidbit:

Brian: “ABC has got a lineup that’s refreshing and alive-with it’s hits like ‘Desperate Housewives’ just continuing to thrive.” Stewie: “And those women look sensational for being 65!”

Nice. Then the show goes downhill from there. There was nothing really horrible about it, like Britney’s VMA performance, but there was also nothing that exciting either. Although Sally Field’s acceptance speech for that horrid drama “Brothers and Sisters” was pretty ridiculous. She sounded like the drunken grandma at somebody’s wedding. She was telling the audience to “shutup” so she could finish talking about “our children” out there in the war, and then she completely lost her train of thought and just started saying “war…uh, the war…” over and over again. Maybe her alzheimers is finally kicking in. Next year, let’s hope for Ellen DeGeneres again. She had a brief stint this year while presenting an award, and those two minutes were funnier than the whole show. Good job Ryan. We vote lesbian!