Sigh. More Britney news. It is getting a little exhausting, but who are we to turn away from her troublesome media-friendly turn for the worse? Scumbags who have nothing better to do? Correct! But it’s all for your entertainment so shut up and keep reading.
Earlier this week, a court ordered that Spears’ children be taken away from her and placed in full custody of Kevin Federline, allowing Spears only monitored visitation rights. Judge Scott M. Gordon ruled in the last hearing:
“The minor children shall remain in the custody of [Federline] with the exception of those specific dates and times as ordered by the Court…Pending the further order of the Court, all visitation shall be in the presence of a monitor. The monitor shall terminate the visitaton immediately if any conduct or action by [Spears] endangers the minor children.
Well that’s crazy. What on earth could Spears possibly do that would harm her children? Feed them tacos with her hands? Use bed linens as baby wipes? Make them chug soda directly from the bottle? Ridiculous.
According to US Weekly, the court also ruled:
Before the next hearing (which both Spears and Federline are required to attend) is held on October 26, at 1:30 PM, the court mandates that Spears, 25, must attend three counseling sessions. Additionally, the order reasserts the drug testing requirement set forth on September 17: The Court expressly indicates that a missed test, refusal to submit to a test or failure to respond to the testing agency’s call…shall be deemed by the Court as a failed test.
Britney Spears missing a drug test? These allegations are preposterous. What truly boggles the mind is, why has no one thought of ways to trick Spears into therapy? She’s like a child or small dog. You say “doctor” or “vet” and they scream and hide under the bed. So what do you do? You say “park” or “Chuck E. Cheese” – their eyes light up and everybody’s happy. Sure it’s a little misleading and cruel, but it works. So why does no one employ the same rules for Britney? Watch this:
Phone call from random: “Good morning, Ms. Spears, I am Helena Winkleberry, the rep from Taco Bell, we’re having a tasting today at one of our locations and we’d love for you to come and be one of the first to taste the new Xtreme Cheesy-Lard-Encrusted Gordita!”
Britney: “OhmiGod, count me in! I’ll be there in 20 minutes!
Random: “Great! Our location is [location of drug testing facility and/or counseling]. See you soon!
See what we did there? NOT that complicated. And so what if when she gets there she realizes that its NOT a T-Bell tasting? Come prepared. Shove a taco in her mouth and sit her down with a copy of Highlights. Who can resist the call of the Hidden Pictures when you’re f–ed up on heroin? Britney will be happy and the court will get their drug testing results. Are we geniuses? Probably not. But we do know a thing or two about training pets.
Think outside the bun